Your Attachment Style Affects Your Relationship Choice

Have you ever thought about how we choose the people in our relationships or why our way of living differs from each other?

Our attachment styles affect our relationship style, our choice of relationship, and what type of partner we look for in a relationship. Considering that the foundation of the relationships established by the individual in adulthood and the choice of spouse is laid in the family, it is thought that the attachment styles established with the caregivers (mother and father) in the past also have a significant impact on the individual’s relationship.

Bowlby mentioned that attachment plays a vital role in human life from the cradle to the grave; He defined attachment as the strong emotional bond that a person establishes with the other person who is important to him/her. When the researches are examined, the level of attachment that individuals establish with their parents in childhood also affects the child’s own attachment in adulthood, and also affects the level of attachment with the people with whom they have close relationships in their marriages.

Secure Attachment

  • Studies have shown that individuals with secure attachment are more positive, reflect this in their relationships and understand their spouses better.

  • It was found that these people had positive thoughts about their relationships with their early parents, did not have difficulty in establishing trust and intimacy in their relationships, and did not show jealousy behaviors.

  • Securely attached people can easily cope with the negative consequences of stressful situations, their thoughts on social support are positive, and they can cope with this situation with social support when they experience a stressful situation.

  • For the person, other people are acceptable, reliable, and responsive.

  • Individuals who develop secure attachments invest more in their relationships, adapt to their partner, provide closeness and satisfaction to their partner, and are also active in their conflict resolution skills compared to people who develop anxious/ambivalent and avoidant attachments in their close relationships.

  • Securely attached individuals have long close relationships, have high self-confidence and high trust in their spouses.

Obsessive Attachment

  • It includes a person’s negative perception of himself and his positive perception of other people.

  • The person may be in an effort to be accepted by other people by perceiving them positively, and may be in an effort to prove himself to other people.

Anxious/Unstable Attachment

  • In this type of attachment, there is an intense effort to achieve the need for security and a lot of energy and behavior to keep other people around.

  • These people can fall in love easily, show extreme jealousy towards their partners, and experience intense anxiety even while their relationship continues.

  • They may experience emotional ups and downs by exhibiting obsessive behaviors in close relationships.

  • People who develop anxious/ambivalent attachment experience low satisfaction and avoid conflict resolution situations.

  • These people are dependent on their partner and have a very strong quest for commitment in their relationship.

Avoidant Attachment

  • People with avoidant attachment are very vulnerable and often tend to be disappointed and complain that their partner is not meeting their expectations.

  • They have difficulty trusting people and have negative beliefs about their close relationships.

  • It is seen that they show avoidance behavior in order not to lose their sense of security, and they avoid close relationships and interactions in stressful situations and conditions.

  • People with an avoidant attachment style try to protect themselves against their feelings of rejection and hurt by avoiding getting close to other people.

Fearful Attachment

  • People who avoid intimacy and worry in close relationships think that they do not deserve the love and support of other people.

  • Due to the person’s feelings of inadequacy, they experience the fear that other people will reject them and be unreliable, and as a result, they avoid close relationships and protect themselves against rejection.

Unregistered Connect

  • Intimacy is a dismissive attachment pattern that minimizes distress and social support needs by refusing to establish intimacy.

  • They have a negative attitude towards other people, avoid close relationships to avoid disappointment, and protect themselves with a sense of independence.

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