Words Don’t Kill!

Freud, psychic structure; It defines it with three components: id, ego, superego:

The “id’” is responsible for our requests. It is the job of the “id” to express our wishes. The equivalent of controlling the “id” in our religion is to control the “soul”. Whispering to us the desires caused by both our pleasing and harmful emotions; hasty; who presses us so that we can get almost everything we want; time, space, is our “id”, the voice and the voice of our unlimited desires.

Those who are the cause of the rapes, murders, fights and serious injuries we face on the third pages of the newspapers; They are people who cannot control their “id”, that is, they act under the control of their “id”.

“What do others say?” The voice of our parents, who make us give up on our desires, set unattainable goals and never be happy, cause us to work harder, always demand more from us, criticize and punish us for a small mistake, force us to pay a price, compare us with others, and settle within us, is the voice of the society. value judgments and fears of religion are the “superego” side of our spiritual structure. The guilt we feel when we do something we want is caused by our judgmental superego.
It is the “ego” that both has the power to hold back the wishes of the “id” and silences the cruel, judgmental side of the “superego” and does not allow it to torture itself. While trying to cope with the “ego”, “id” and “superego” and to create oneself; uses “defense mechanisms” from birth. While we use “primitive defenses” in the first years, we start using “mature defenses” as our spiritual structure and “ego” get stronger.

The strength of the “ego” is evaluated by looking at four components;

1) The defenses he uses, 2) Frustration tolerance, 3) Impulse control, 4) Boundaries (“ego construction” will be detailed in later articles).
Dozens of defense mechanisms used by the “ego” have been described.
Allan Schore, one of the founders of neurobiology, argues that there are three basic defense mechanisms in neurobiology; SECTION (“splitting”), SPRING (“repression”), BREAK (“dissociation”).

SPLIT (“splitting”); It is a developmental neurobiological arrest. It defines the situation where the sympathetic and parasympathetic connections, the integration of the right brain and the left brain, that is, the experiential brain and the logical brain, cannot be achieved – the clinical equivalent of this situation is “personality disorders”. In a dynamic sense, it can be defined as a developmental pause that remains in the preoedipal period (preoedipal period, oedipal period and their corresponding personality traits will be detailed in later articles).
Babies are under the influence of a developmental “compartment” until the age of 2.5 years because they do not have the neurobiological ability to combine the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems. With continued maturation, after the age of 2, 2.5, 3 years, the capacity to combine, which eliminates the “splitting”, develops; in this way, the triangular structure, that is, the triple relationship, or in other words, the oedipal period is passed. In this period, with the integration of the compartment, an upper defense is used as a defense mechanism.

If a “developmental pause” occurs while the person is at the stage of developmental neurobiological division, and the division cannot be combined with any causality; The person remains under the influence of the “splitting” defense mechanism and continues his life with “splitting” for life. The clinical equivalent of actively using the DIVISION defense in adulthood is personality disorders. (Personality disorders will be detailed in later articles).

The prominent feature of the person who actively uses the partition defense is that he speaks with his actions. The person is under the influence of the right brain, that is, the experiential, emotional brain. With what we experience in this brain, the motor cortex is immediately activated, thought turns into action. For example, when the child is angry, he spit on his mother and kicks, and when the partition is not integrated, he starts kicking, hitting and throwing whatever he can get his hands on when he is angry with the people around him in adulthood. If he cannot calm his anger with these, he begins to use weapons or other injurious tools as a means of anger. He puts his sexual desires into action like rape. Whether it’s aggressive or libidinal feelings, the person cannot control these feelings and starts to speak with their actions instead of speaking with their words. Expressing emotions with behaviors is an indication of the active use of the PARTITION defense.

A developmentally higher stage of cleavage is the ‘SUPPRESS’ defense, which is more mature than ‘split’. It emerges between the ages of 3-6, when the right brain and the left brain, that is, the experiential brain and the logical brain, enter into a connection between them neurobiologically, and in this way, the inner world can be told by putting the experiences into words.

With this maturation, the child may say, “Mom, I am very angry with you”, while in further maturation, the child may say “I am very angry with you”. That is, it does not spit or kick, does not swing the blade; He speaks with his words, not his actions. Speaking with words means that the person speaking with his actions in the right brain becomes expressible with words in the left brain. It is an important indicator that the ego also uses suppression, which is a mature defense. The cost of talking with behaviors is sometimes death, but even the heaviest words cannot kill.

Countries are fighting by talking to their right brains. The day they can sit at the table, they will be able to talk to the left brain. They are currently under the influence of “partition”. While people are able to use developmentally more mature defenses, they can regress spiritually under intense stress. They may lose their mature and healthy mindset. As a nation, people can regress en masse. In regression, issues that can be resolved by talking at the desk with the “suppression” mechanism turn into “split”; Those who are confronted while under the influence of “dividing” are completely thought of as evil and evil. Both parties feel this way towards each other, and they only show their feelings through their actions. Behaviors, unfortunately, are reflected in action as bullets, bombs and weapons. One day, if common sense prevails and the “dividing” mechanism can mature to the level of “suppression”, the right brain and left brain will be reconnected, neurobiologically, the number of fibers between the sympathetic system and the parasympathetic system will increase, and the right brain and the left brain will be mutually aware of each other. Emotions in the right brain can be symbolized and people can become able to express their inner world with words and shapes; emotions begin to be re-expressed in words, not actions; hate, anger and love are put into words and discharged and the act of violence is silenced!

Give your children the greatest value with the feeling of endless and unconditional love “until they are 6 years old”!

Always see and show your beautiful side!

Criticize without being destructive!

Teach without shame!

Punish him without hitting or hurting him!

“He’s just a kid! He doesn’t understand anything!” what you said; Unfortunately, today, because of what you cannot explain, they inflict the greatest pain and harm on humankind.

While we are trying to raise children with a conscience, let’s not raise unscrupulous children with our mistakes!

If your young child is behaving destructively to his sibling, friend, pet, toy, understand that something is wrong, that you are missing somewhere and please get help! Don’t be ashamed of it!

Children speaking with their words; they will be adults who do not talk with their physical strength, bombs, weapons and behavior!

And don’t forget! WORDS DO NOT KILL!

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