“Answer as a psychologist how can a man love two people at the same time? How can a man who loves his wife so much be with another woman?” Let’s take a look at this complex topic, which I decided to write after the questions, which is based on psychoanalysis. Madonna-Whore Syndrome, where lust is replaced by compassion. This complex put forward by Freud actually creates men, who see love and sex as two things that cannot go together, and divide women into two separate groups as “good and innocent, bad and sexy”. Of course, the reason for such a complex and even difficult to solve syndrome lies in childhood. After completing toilet training, boys begin to develop their sexual identities until the school period – this is also called the phallic period – and during this period they become attached to their mothers and have a childlike love for them. They make attempts to sleep with the mother, to be closer to her than the father, and this disappears as the identity develops. When the child cannot break this bond and gets stuck there, then this complex emerges. In this period, the oppressive attitude of the mother, not allowing the child to separate, ignites the fuse, and in the end, men who still cannot keep their mother’s word in their adulthood, are extremely fond of them and are actually looking for a wife to replace their mothers. When they find someone who is suitable for the “good and innocent” Madonna figure they have created in their minds, they love them very much, cherish them and live a beautiful union in terms of love and compassion. So now the question is: How does a man have sexual intercourse with a woman he replaces as his mother? There may be unions started by the woman, but unfortunately, this situation disappears over time as the man feels guilty, and at this point, other “bad and sexy” sexually forbidden women come into play. Men do not bring their wives, whom they see as pure and clean, into the dirty world of sexuality, and instead they spend their sexual energies by having sex with women in the “whore” part of the complex, having sex for money, or the porn industry. As a result of these, there are men who have a relationship with two people at the same time and even say that they love both of them very much. If we go back to the questions above, yes, two people can be loved, two people can have a relationship, but the dynamics of the two are quite different.
Let me tell you before I come up with sentences like “So what should I do in such a situation, tell me”, this is a very serious complex and individuals who experience this have no other way out than to seek professional help from a sex therapist – believe me, this advice has nothing to do with my being a sex therapist.
Footnote: Madonna-Whore Syndrome is a difficult situation to overcome and therapy may not give the expected result, but it should definitely be tried for couples to have a healthy relationship with trust, loyalty, kindness and minimal sexuality.