Before I start my article, I would like to point out that raising a child and taking this responsibility is a long, tiring road that requires skill and effort. I guess you wouldn’t find me strange if I said that it is not the mortar of every brave man. I am one of those who believe that the important thing is not only to give birth to a child, but also to raise him in a healthy way. First of all, I congratulate you, dear parents, who love their children without any discrimination.
The separation that parents make on their children, either willingly or unknowingly, has consequences that are difficult to repair.
Giving equal love and attention to children positively affects their sibling relationships with each other. Otherwise, among children; feelings of aggression, anger, jealousy, damaging each other’s belongings, withdrawing, and hatred develop. When this condition takes a pathological course, a specialist should be consulted.
Every child has different interests, abilities, temperaments, looks, and different personality structures. Although parents, who have narrowed their living space by comparing and oppressing siblings, are often not aware of this, the truth is; It is not expected that the skills and behaviors appreciated in one sibling will also be found in the other sibling. In such a case, the child should be welcomed and not excluded just because he is not successful as desired, but worse than his sibling.
Your child’s first social circle is his sibling. Therefore, he experiences his first impressions, first experiences, first mistakes and first experiences with his brother, observes him and establishes a good or bad bond. The attitude of the family is very important here. A supportive attitude should be displayed instead of competing with each other, which reinforces the relationship between siblings.
You dear parents; You should not forget that children apply what they see from the family. You should be aware of this fact and I want you to know that your attitude when raising children will be passed on by your children to future generations as they see you.
You should not compare your children with each other, you should give them unconditional love and attention without making any distinction between positive and negative, good or bad.
You should not threaten to love them more or less as a result of something they have done or will do.
When brothers fight, you should not discriminate between right and wrong by stepping between them like a judge. You should watch the children from afar by leaving them alone and let them solve it with each other instead of getting involved in this incident. Otherwise, when parents intervene, a hidden environment of anger and rivalry occurs between siblings.
It is a wrong attitude to keep the siblings away, to prevent them from touching or making contact with the fear that they may harm the baby who has just joined the family. Considering this possibility, the older child should be given the opportunity to accept the new baby, love and establish a bond. Another mistake that families make in this regard is to send the other sibling away from home after the baby arrives, by sending them to a nursery or school.
One of the most common mistakes parents make among siblings who are still children is to put too much responsibility on the child by saying “you’ve grown up now, you’ve become a big brother/sister”. This responsibility restricts the freedom of the child. This restriction causes jealousy among siblings.
Families should follow an attitude of not preventing jealousy, but not causing it. Parents should build their relationship with their children on a solid foundation. This foundation consists of mutual unconditional love and trust.
Parents should not display an oppressive and excessively authoritarian attitude. However, certain common rules and limitations within the family should be determined and this should be discussed together.
Parents should not show an indecisive and inconsistent stance within the family in the decisions taken. The children of such families become individuals who are weak in the emotional field, have difficulty in making decisions, and are easily affected by external pressures.
Children should not be expected to be perfect, even they should be allowed to make mistakes from time to time. Children of parents with an overly perfectionist attitude may constantly have a sense of making others happy.