Love is considered a pathology. Physical and mental symptoms are seen when a person is in love. Heart rhythm disorders such as abdominal pain, tachycardia, sleep disorders, obsessive (obsessive) thoughts, addiction to the person and skeptical (paranoid) thoughts occur. Although these symptoms do not last long, they are more common in the months at the beginning of the relationship or during the formation process of the relationship, that is, in the phase we call flirting.
Why are these symptoms experienced more often in people who are difficult or difficult to have, and who are likely to have feelings such as distress, stress and pain if they do? It is foreseen that many people ask this question to themselves or their environment many times. The reason takes us back to our childhood.
Desiring the difficult thing , desiring the difficult one and ending the desire and demand when the object that is thought to be difficult comes into existence due to many reasons . A number of traumas in our childhood cause this. When trauma is mentioned, the first thing that comes to mind is death, loss or abuse, which will cause serious post-traumatic stress. However, trauma is anything that changes a child’s feelings and thoughts at that time and that this change process is reflected in his behaviors is called trauma.
Experienced in childhood;
the presence of a narcissistic parent,
overburdening the child,
the presence of loud voices or arguments in family relationships,
The relationship between the mother and the milk provided by the mother in the 0-2 age period
Emotional abuse experienced in the 0-6 age period
Traumas like these are reflected negatively on the person’s partner or social relationships in the future.
Friendship relationships, especially partner relationships, and relationships with people whom they see as authoritative are generally thought to be challenging. These people may want to take this chaos into their life in order to relive the childhood chaos. Why would anyone want to relive their trauma? You can say. The main reason for this is that this trauma, which resembles trauma as a trauma, has not been resolved. Each unresolved trauma will find us with the same feelings. Call it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Imagine that the objects that a child wants are realized quickly or that the child demands. After he becomes a sibling , when the wishes of this child begin to come true more slowly , maybe even not , and his feelings and wishes are not seen as much as before , many feelings and thoughts such as feelings of worthlessness , the thought of being unloved , rivalry with sibling , ambition are formed .
When the child reaches adolescence and adulthood, he or she may turn to objects that he thinks will be difficult for him or to establish relationships with people with whom he will have problems. Trauma can remind itself and re-live it as long as it cannot obtain its object and desires like those objects that it demanded as a child. later on, when he brings this phenomenon, which he demands and desires, into his life, the need for it can quickly decrease. In fact, an acquired lover is not a boyfriend or a girlfriend, it is simply a bridge-building object that is desired or demanded for him to experience trauma.
The reason why I am writing this article is that I can observe that people who are faced with such behaviors or feelings in their social or partner relationships tend to see themselves as worthless, unwanted or unloved. However, if he opens a small window and sees that the other side has a long childhood, he will stop seeing these experiences as an attack on his self. This view will be a tool to reach a strong awareness and improve self esteem . Remember that if childhood traumas are not resolved, the person seen in the mirror will not be you, the current adult, but your child part and your parents.