Why Do I Feel So Lonely?

Loneliness is a very heavy feeling for human beings who are accustomed to living in communities. This feeling, which you can experience even though there are physically people around you, can sometimes really occur in the absence of other people. One of the main reasons why this feeling is difficult to tolerate is that at that moment your beliefs of worthlessness, inadequacy, unlovableness arise from the depths of your mind and cause you to question yourself. In fact, what makes loneliness bad is not being alone at that moment, but the meaning you attribute to loneliness and the emotions it triggers in you. So how do you deal with these triggered emotions? The great thing here is that you don’t actually have to deal with emotions. However, if people could not learn to stay and experience this feeling before for various reasons (neglect, abuse, wrong parental attitudes, lack of skill, etc.), they constantly try to escape from this emotion and avoid situations and people that will make them feel this emotion. These escapism and avoidance behaviors delay experiencing the feeling of discomfort caused by the feeling of loneliness, and the mind continues to produce catastrophic scenarios of “loneliness” unless the person experiences the feeling. The mind says, “You will always be alone.” “No one loves you.” “Look, not even a friend called.” “You will die alone, even if you die, who knows how many days later they will realize that you are dead” He repeats phrases like The person in this vicious circle, while escaping from loneliness, pushes himself to situations where he will be alone with his behaviors, which in fact confirms what his mind says with his actions. While people continue this pattern, most of the time they are either unaware of it or they are aware of it, but they do not know how to deal with it. At this point, we are working on realizing these thought, emotion and behavior processes of people and formulating them in a systematic framework, that is, determining the behaviors that they gradually avoid and avoid, finding the disturbing thoughts that cause the behavior and showing the healing to stay in the emotion. Of course, intolerance to loneliness is not the only issue most of the time, the person also talks about childhood traumas, the differences between his idealized self and his real self, and the problems he has with his family, spouse, close friends and colleagues. Sometimes we examine all these stories from a wide window, sometimes under a microscope. “We deteriorate in relationships, we heal in relationships.” The phrase indicates that people cannot solve some of their problems on their own, and that you can make progress as a result of a relationship with another person. The choice of where you should start and with whom you will start this long-term journey is entirely in your hands. You just have the intention to change.

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