Beril was 5 years old and he was very nervous when he started his kindergarten. On the first day of school, she did not want to leave her mother and was looking around in fear. His mother told him many times before he started school;
– /strong> He said, “The school you’re going to is a very cute and beautiful place. You’ll have a lot of friends there. You’ll play a lot of games. I’ll drop you off every morning, if you don’t make any trouble and cry, I’ll get you the toy you want as well.”
Although Beril did not want to go to school, she was relieved to hear that her mother would drop her off every morning. After all, his mother would be with him every morning and protect him.
However, on the first day of school, he forgot everything, and the fear that his mother would leave him was all over him. She held her mother’s arms tightly, not wanting to let go. Her mother was angry with Beril for this behavior and kept telling her that she would not buy the toy she wanted because she behaved like this.
Later, when he entered the classroom with all the children, the toys he saw caught his attention. His mother, who took this opportunity, said that she had to go to work now and left the school.
The teacher played games with the children and made them have a pleasant time with various activities. Beril, who started to like this environment, was startled and scared when another child took the toy in his hand with anger. She started crying. Since he had never encountered such a situation before, this unusual behavior of the child caused Beril to be afraid. However, her mother had said that she would have a very pleasant and good time at school, and she had never mentioned that such things would happen. But his first experience at school wasn’t like that at all. According to Beril, his mother had deceived him and left him here alone. She was thinking of asking her about it in the evening when her mother came to pick her up. However, her grandmother came to pick her up because her mother could not make it to school as promised.
Her mother mentioned that when she got home, she talked to her teacher and found out that she was crying at school. Since she did not listen to her words, her mother wanted Beril to sleep early and said that she would not buy the toy she wanted. Beryl was very surprised by this situation. Not only did his mother not pick him up from school as he had promised, but also deceived him by saying that the school was a very nice place, and also punished him by asking him to go to bed early, not seeing his emotion without asking why he was crying.
Beryl had learned a lot today.
How does the child think?
The way you communicate is an important criterion that determines the child’s attitudes and attitudes. Insufficient explanations and incomplete information are directly reflected in behavior.
As it is told in the story, Beril’s mother said that she would pick up her daughter every day after school, but the opposite situation occurred, which had a negative effect on the child’s thinking system.
Beril is currently thinking, “My mother didn’t come to pick me up even though she promised me, and school is not such a good place, but my mother explained it very well”. As a result, Beril started to think that her mother was a “liar”.
This experience is a factor that paves the way for Beril to lie in her future life. Because children continue their existence through experiences. The child, who has this experience, starts to apply the learned behavior in his own life, even though he has a family that has talked about the importance of keeping his word and not lying. What is natural for the child is the behavior he learns.
What can you do?
• Always think realistically. Imagine someone told you that the place you will live in is beautiful and hassle-free. When you really start living there, you will inevitably be disappointed when you see that it is not like the place described at all. In fact, it will be difficult for you to trust that person’s word again. Your children also want to hear the truth from you, not the cuteness of the things that await them.
• Wouldn’t you be confused if someone said to you, ‘It’s wrong to lie, but sometimes we can tell little lies’? Children do not know the concepts of small or big lies. Especially to parents who lie, it will be inevitable for that child to lie.
• You may not always be able to stick to your promises. For example, you are very tired that day and you promised to play a game beforehand. But if you say, ‘Not today, let’s do it tomorrow, I’m too tired’, you will have hit the ax on the stone. The child will see that you do not keep your word here and will think that you are not cared. Instead, he said, ‘I know I promised you today, but I’m too tired at work, so I’d like to play a game with you one evening when I feel better. If you say ‘I think you will understand me’, he will describe the situation as delaying the word, not as a lie. Therefore, avoid using certainty expressions when making a promise and state that you are making a promise according to the terms.
• Pay attention to the sentences you will make with the child about the school.
• ‘ Children have to learn new things when they grow up, and for that they have to go to school. You’ve grown up now and it’s time to learn new things. The school you go to is a little different from home. The games we play and the activities we do will be at school, and even more so. Also, there will be rules at school, just as there are rules at home. The dissimilar part is that our house is not that crowded. There will be lots of kids your age at school and you will be playing all the games with them. Also lots of toys. At school, you may be friends with some children and not with others. Sometimes you may love school, and sometimes you may not. Your job is to go to school and learn new things, just as our job is to make money.’ You can prevent your child from being prejudiced and afraid by changing your sentences according to the conditions and making negative words more selective. Prepare him for this process not when his school life starts, but by getting him used to it long before. By associating the school with the home environment, you can enable the child to establish a connection with the school and see the school closer to himself with this analogy.