Who is the Cause of Sibling Jealousy?

You must have heard “I hate him, I wish he wasn’t born, take it back to the hospital where you bought it, I won’t share my toy, don’t come with me, don’t wear my clothes, don’t come into my room, I’m not his brother-sister phrases like ‘. Or we have witnessed him trying to hit, bite, cry and pull his hair when you turn your back.

Although this process between siblings is seen as unusual for adults, we have to accept that it does not have the same meaning for the child.

Although sibling jealousy is seen as an abnormal situation for parents, this is a normal and normal process for children. It is a natural feeling that can be seen in every period of life, but it is experienced a little more intensely in childhood.

Especially in children, jealousy of the new sibling not only affects him deeply, but also causes behavioral problems. We can think of the jealousy of the newly arrived sibling as accepting a piece of cake into his life. “My child, we love you so much that we wanted to have another you who looks like you, who we will care and love as much as you do. In this way, he will not be bored with you, he will not be bored with you, he will always be a friend to you”. Let’s try to say this phrase to yourself. your spouse “I love you so much that I want another you who looks like you, that I can care for and love as much as I care for you. Because I don’t want you to get tired and deal with so much work all alone”. Even as you read these sentences, you might say how ridiculous it is. Here you can understand that it is quite normal for your child to not want someone who will come to the sand or sit on the throne.

Although this is of course not the case for us, it may be perceived as such for your child at first glance. Many parents may make involuntary mistakes in order not to envy the child’s sibling. “My dear son, you will be your brother, but nothing will change in our life, everything will remain as it is now, there is nothing to worry about…” At this very moment, the child begins to panic. Even if you don’t say that nothing will change in our lives, you will meet the signals that something will change. First of all, the mother’s hormones change, her physical shape changes, her needs change, her mood changes, routines change, she plays with herself. “I can’t play now” It just shows that something has changed. When the process is like this, jealousy starts before the sibling is born.

Every child wants to be unique and special to their parents. Every negative behavior that the child does to his sibling wants to give to his parents. “Mom dad I’m here” is the message. Many parents are trying to protect their siblings. “you are the big one, what are these behaviors, No I won’t see you hit again, drop that baby’s stuff insteadIn addition to behaviors such as ” “Go to your room now, I won’t buy you the toy you want, no more going to the market” day by day, the jealousy towards his brother increases. The following discourse is; what happened to this kid ”.The child now begins to have outbursts of anger, to become aggressive, to start wetting the bed at night, to disobey, to become rebellious and callous.

In a situation we encounter, some parents may think that they cannot spend more time with their child due to the birth of a sibling. She wants to be sent to a kindergarten immediately. In this process, the child who starts kindergarten may often show problem behaviors there or, although he is compatible, his mind is always home. “What are they doing while I’m gone”It may also enter into the thought of “they are sending me here to get rid of”.

Now you may ask, if our job is that hard, shouldn’t he have a brother? In this process, we need to accept that no matter what we do, sibling jealousy can occur in children. It is important to know that even if we want to have a child who is not jealous of his sibling, lives in harmony, does not harm and obeys, this will not be possible. More or less, sibling jealousy is a natural process, just like the hormonal change experienced by the mother due to pregnancy.

The main thing is that we know what we can do to minimize the sibling jealousy and the problem behaviors that result from it. If we do not have enough information, it is to get help from an expert.

The most basic things to remember are;

“Sisters do not have to be close friends. Age difference does not eliminate jealousy. A distinction must be made between equality and fairness. Constantly blaming someone else should be avoided. You must be impartial”.

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