What kind of reaction does our lack of desires cause?


There are things we need to survive. These needs are; necessities such as eating, drinking, sleeping, breathing. These requirements are indispensable for us. When obligations are not fulfilled, we experience intense tension. There is a great crisis for our body. Our brain, so to speak, goes on a red alert and tries to fulfill these obligations as soon as possible.

There are also preferences and expectations that we want to be realized. These preferences are the kind of wishes that we want to come true, but that can happen even if they don’t. For example, living in a large house, having a tolerant spouse, increasing annual leave, remembering our birthday, owning a latest model car, getting the latest phone, etc. It is possible to increase these requests. These requests can be strong requests or weak requests in terms of their meaning for us. However, unfulfilled desires, even if they are strong, do not cause a crisis for our brain. Because they are not seen as a necessity for our brain. When we have to make a choice in any matter, we prefer what we think is necessary for us first. After the compulsive needs are satisfied, we strive for wants.

Needs are always priority and must be met for our survival. Preferences and wants, on the other hand, take the second place according to needs, and do not cause any crisis if they are not met. However, sometimes there is a factor that makes it difficult to choose between obligations and preferences; advertising and environmental factor. Today, the advertising industry and the environmental factor, which has developed in parallel with fast consumption, show many preferences as if they are a necessity. For example, while buying the latest phone is a request, the advertising industry may cause us to consider owning that phone as a necessity with its strategy. Or, while it is a desire to have furniture that reflects the latest trends, it may lead us to perceive this desire as a need. Thus, it can lead us to perceive furniture that is only a desire, as a necessity, and to buy furniture.

So what happens in our brain when the wishes we perceive as necessity are not fulfilled?

Let’s imagine that there are 2 separate categories in our lives. One is the category of obligations and needs, and the other is the category of wants and preferences. When the needs and obligations in the first category are not met, as stated above, there is a crisis situation and intense tension for our body. We have no tolerance for not meeting needs. There is no flexibility in this regard. Needs and obligations must be. On the other hand, when things in the second category, which includes wishes and preferences, are not fulfilled, there is no crisis situation for our body, even if we experience emotions such as sadness, anger and disappointment. For our brain, preferences do not cause problems such as non-fulfillment of wishes and non-fulfillment of obligations, since they are the kind of wishes that are requested but not possible. Because it is possible for our minds to make choices not to come true. There is a more flexible approach in this regard. However, if we remove a desire from the preferences from being a preference and include it in the category of necessity, then because our brain considers that choice as a necessity, it reacts as if the necessity did not happen when the choice is not realized. In other words, in the face of unrealized demand, it goes into a crisis situation, the level of tension increases and our tolerance disappears because there is no flexibility in the face of this situation. For example, while it is a request for our spouse to remember our birthday, if we consider this request as an obligation, we will feel a great anger when our spouse does not remember our birthday. We have no tolerance or flexibility for this. When there is no flexibility, fragility and irritability are experienced. If you bend a pencil in half, it will break, but if you bend the rubber in half, it will not break. Things that don’t have a stretch will break. That’s why the reaction is harsh.

Achieving our wishes pleases us and gives us pleasure, but it is also possible for our wishes not to come true. Preferences and wishes are never obligatory. So what needs to be done is; avoiding seeing preferences as a necessity, accepting that preferences may not exist, and being more tolerant and flexible. Otherwise, it will be inevitable to experience great depressions and crises in the face of our unrealized wishes.

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