What is the Limit, Why is it Necessary?

Children want to understand the rules of the environment in which they live. Knowing what is expected of them, who is in control, how far they can go, and what can happen if they go too far.

There is a very close connection between the sense of limitation and the feeling of security. We can say that when a parent cannot set enough limits, they cannot cover their child. On the face of it, the body dislikes limits because it is pleasure-oriented, but where there is no limit, the human psyche does not feel safe.

Our country also has borders. For example; Stopping at a red light bothers us, but it makes us feel safe. If there is no law, anyone can usurp you. Likewise, we often want to live in secure sites to feel safe.


When too many boundaries are applied, this turns into a suffocating relationship that narrows the child’s range of motion. In this way, the parents turn into a purely normative person and the parent-child relationship is damaged. The competent parent is the encompassing parent, not the encompassing one.


Although nos often bother us, at the same time, “no”s make us grow. For example, mothers say “no to breasts” at a stage in their children’s lives and open the doors of food for the child. It prepares the child for an action such as walking by saying “no” to carrying it on the lap.

The kid who comes here and crashes when he says no starts to find new ways for himself. Putting a limit on someone means opening a new space for them.


-Our most basic principle is a plain and simple expression. Stable stance on the border is important. Thus, the child who says I can’t change the result, let’s change myself, takes his own responsibility. A firm stance does not mean being rigid. It is always essential to understand the child’s feelings first, to contain them, and to set appropriate boundaries. It is wrong to set a wholesale limit. Parents, in order of importance, should first set limits on one or two issues that affect functionality. If there are other issues, they should be dealt with in order. Children are not limited in basic needs such as love, attention, appreciation, nutrition and play. Only requests can be limited. As a result, it’s important to talk to the parent about why you can’t set limits. It is also difficult for the parent who does not know why he cannot set a limit, to figure out how to set it.

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