What is done in therapy?

In therapy, which is not just a sitting and talking style, as is supposed;

What the client tells is listened to without criticism, judgment and on the basis of confidentiality between two people.

A road map is drawn together for the solution of the possible problems of the client.

The client is recognized in depth and questions are asked and comments are made that will provide insight and make it easier for him to find solutions to his problems in life. Thus, clients are informed about the solution of their problem with questions and interpretations.

Why Should We Go to a Psychologist?

In daily life practice, we all observe that people have reservations about going to a psychologist. Although this has been greatly surpassed in recent years, it is still a question of staying away from therapy unless there is a great wear and tear and an inability to cope. In addition to the problems we live and want to solve, it is also very important to keep what we have strong. Although we all show resistance from time to time, I’m sure it will be good for you to try to overcome this resistance and work with an expert!

How Should We Choose Our Psychologist?

Choosing a specialist is the most important step after deciding to seek therapy. Since there is no comprehensive law regarding mental health workers in today’s Turkey, the first thing you should do is question the training of the specialist you will choose.
Then, to have an idea about the suitability of you by learning about the school and professional interests of the specialist.
For example, what is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy?
If you know what Psychoanalysis is or what Systemic Therapy means, your search for a specialist will be in a narrower filter and healthier.
In addition, the type of therapy changes depending on your problem and who you want to come to therapy with. You can also filter your therapy type in this way by searching for therapy types such as individual, couple and family or sexual therapy. Once you have decided on your specialist, you can make a phone call with him to confirm that the type of therapy and school are right for you.

How Do We Know We Are Insecurely Attached?

The way we connect prepares us for today’s relationships, based on our relationship with our parents and our view of the world. From the moment we are born, the closeness and bond we form with our parents underpins our perception of the world and people as dangerous or safe.

Anxious, secure, avoidant and anxious-avoidant attachment styles have a very important place in our romantic relationships in our adult life. In the series called Fleabag, the main character falls in love with a priest even though he knows it’s impossible for him, and he works hard to make this relationship happen. So where do you think attachment theory is in that?

What is Anxious Attachment?


They can be very concerned about the emotional returns from their partners, who often feel the need for more intimacy in their relationships, who think too much about their relationship and spend too much energy on their relationship, are sensitive about separation and are very worried about the emotional returns from their partner. They protect themselves from attachment by pursuing relationships that are sometimes impossible. If they are in a toxic relationship, their partners can often be avoidant attachment individuals. This union is referred to as a relationship trap and is very painful both to maintain and to end.

The desert man character integrated with the carrot cake has been in our lives for many years. This expression is used to describe people with an avoidant attachment style, with their distanced stance towards love and close relationships.

What about the Avoidant Attachment Style?

People with an avoidant attachment style have a structure that feels deeply lonely in a relationship, feels together but alone, always has an escape plan and watches for the time of this escape.

After showing intimacy, they may try to control their intimacy and try to keep you away from them by suddenly walking away, expressing that they miss their ex, avoiding physical intimacy, and courting others.

There is often a perfection waiting for them in their minds and they are never convinced that they have found that person. Because of this, they can change partners frequently.

The relationship of individuals with an avoidant attachment style with individuals with an anxious attachment style is more likely to turn into a toxic relationship.

Studies show that people with this attachment style protect themselves by trying to appear free and distant.

Fear or Anxiety?

By nature, we all experience some fears and anxieties. So how do we separate them from each other?

Fear has an object. In other words, when we are afraid, we give a fight or flight response to that object and usually take action. For example, a predator is the object of our fear.

Anxiety has no object and instead of making us take action, it seems to prepare us for situations we think we will face in the future. For example, preparing ourselves by thinking about what to do if my cat dies.

Fear is about the moment we live in.

Anxiety is about the future.

The mild state of anxiety can provide us with vital convenience, but advanced anxiety impairs our functionality. It is essential to get support from a specialist so that anxiety does not impair our functionality in daily life.

Panic Attack or Panic Disorder?

Panic attacks that develop suddenly in the form of a seizure are intense anxiety attacks. At the time of the attack, the person may experience intense anxiety as well as physical symptoms such as heart compression, heart palpitations, feeling of suffocation, cold sweats, hot flashes, and nausea, and may experience a feeling of worsening. During panic attacks, which are often confused with a heart attack, the person thinks that he will die, but if he calmly meets the attack and does the necessary exercises, it is possible that he will be more controlled during the attack.

In panic disorder, on the other hand, panic attacks have become more frequent and there is a constant concern that a new attack will occur. The fear of recurrence and the panic attack cycle between these two attacks distinguishes panic disorder from just having a panic attack.

Reminding yourself that this is a temporary seizure during panic attacks and not isolating yourself with the fear of panic attacks is one of the right actions to take.

Negative Automatic Thoughts

Do you also have such thoughts during the day without any conscious judgment?

We call these thoughts automatic thoughts that constantly criticize us, make us lose our mood, and actually take their origins from the basic beliefs that have shaped us since our childhood and that we have formed against the world and ourselves. These automatic thoughts can often mislead us by making us evaluate many situations as they are not.

This is exactly what Cognitive Behavioral Therapy exists to examine the behaviors that are eating away at us and to encourage us to think more rationally.

You can examine these thoughts by taking therapy. A little tip;

When you encounter such a thought that bothers you, take a step back for a moment and look at your mind from afar, what would you say to someone who had the same thought as you?

What is Family and Couples Therapy?

We see that many people are over-worn in the divorce process and relationships that cause their children to suffer, no matter how hard they try to keep them out.

So what is done in such cases with Family and Couples Therapy?

Family and Couple therapy is a sub-branch of psychotherapy that includes all family members or individuals in a dyadic relationship and is founded on structuring their relationships with each other. In this type of therapy, the relationship between parents, the relationship between parents and children, or the relationship between couples can be studied.

Family and couples who come to Family and Couples Therapy can be assisted in the opposite direction, such as a healthy divorce, in addition to repercussions of their relationships. Therefore, couples who want to end their relationships can also go through a less damaging separation/divorce process thanks to this type of therapy.

In this type of therapy, mostly the whole family or couples are taken to the session, sometimes together and sometimes separately.

Medea Syndrome and Pathological Jealousy

Medea Syndrome is named after a classic called Medea. A mother of two who is pathologically attached to her ex, can’t digest divorce, and sees her ex and her new spouse as enemies.

Medea syndrome, which describes the act of hurting many people, including their own children, with pathological jealousy, inability to bear the pain of abandonment, and a sense of revenge, is seen not only in women but also in men.

I think that this syndrome is more explanatory, especially after the divorce, when one parent uses the children as a side against the other parent, or the violent behaviors of the parents who harm their children for revenge.

Of course, these damaging and revenge-based behaviors are processed at a very advanced level in the theater work. Medea, who took revenge on her ex-wife by killing her new wife, also killed her ex-wife’s most valued assets, her children.

For those who are interested, I recommend the classic called Medea.

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