What is Borderline Personality Disorder?

If you are doing research on borderline personality disorder and you have come across my article, first of all, I would like you to know that I will not refer to it as a textbook chapter by writing the DSM-V criteria one by one. Rather, we will look at the world of a person with borderline personality disorder and try to summarize the situation in their language.

“There is an emptiness inside of me that I cannot fill. Most of the time, I can’t explain why, I don’t understand it myself. It’s like I have to fill every moment with a job. I can’t spend a single moment with myself, when I stay by myself, my heart swells and I feel like it’s going to explode. If I’m at home, I watch movies all the time, hang out on social media, hit myself with cigarettes, alcohol, etc. I’m constantly finding new jobs, moving on to another before I complete one. I want to do everything at once. I feel uncomfortable if there is some space left in my schedule, it scares me that I will be alone with myself. I actually trust myself, but I’m not that good at trusting people. I do not believe that my wife, children and friends love me and will always stay by my side. Those feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy that I have grown inside of me are constantly telling me, “One day they will leave you.” Sometimes I act just like that. To hide my fear of abandonment, I make them feel bad so they can’t see how much I value them. I make hasty decisions, without thinking, and regret later. Relationships are very superficial for me, I have difficulties in deepening. Some of the people I meet seem perfect to me at first, and I admire and feel praised. That’s why people feel very good when they meet me. However, a small gesture or a few words they say, either at a stage of the conversation or in the further conversations, alienate me from them all at once and I start to move away from them. While I am very hopeful and cheerful at a time, I can become depressed at the same time, my friends think that I am unstable. One day I think about something and cling to that thought excessively, the next day I can give up my thought and own something else. I am not sure about my future plans, what I want, what I like. There are times when I go through things that I can’t handle and when I feel depressed, there are times when I hurt myself, but most of the time I do this not to kill myself but to scare people I think don’t value me. I am very angry at everyone and I cannot silence my anger. I’m tired of being abandoned and ostracized.”

As can be seen, people with this pattern have an intense feeling of emptiness. This feeling makes them uncomfortable, and they may begin to exhibit impulsive behaviors (excessive spending, inappropriate sexual behavior, substance abuse, fast driving, gambling, etc.) to relieve the feeling. They are extremely sensitive to abandonment, often catching signs of abandonment in their dreams. They believe that they will be abandoned so much that they do not realize it.

They take steps to make it happen (do not tamper with the phone of their spouse/lover, avoid sex with the partner, keep a distance from their friends, excessive jealousy, paranoid inquiries etc.). They act impulsively and make impulsive decisions and act immediately. For them, life is black and white. People are good or bad. The slightest mistake can cause him to devalue the people he exalts. It is easy to observe sudden, rapid changes in affect. They get angry quickly and are not good at controlling/regulating their anger. There are manipulative suicide attempts for reasons such as frightening and understanding their value. He thinks that he reads the feelings, movements and thoughts of the other person like an empath and acts extremely sensitively towards them. In severe disorders, people may show delusional and dissociative symptoms, shifting the line between neurosis and psychosis to psychosis.

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