Anger; Like other emotions, it is a very natural, universal and constructive emotion when expressed in a healthy way. Like every positive and negative emotion, anger has a lifespan and loses its effect when this life is completed. But when anger gets out of control and turns destructive; It can cause problems with school, work, personal relationships, and overall quality of life.
Anger is like the tip of an iceberg. It can contain many emotions underneath. Usually, the invisible side of the iceberg is much larger than the visible side. Our underlying emotions; anger. being treated unfairly, feeling worthless, etc. There may be feelings. First, let’s be aware of our emotions. In the anatomy of anger, there may be verbal attacks such as shouting, insulting, using bad words; There may also be physical attacks in the behavioral sense. How accurate are these? So every time we get angry, should we be verbally or physically attacked? Of course no. These are problem-oriented approaches in anger management and are far from a solution. Our brain; perceives that the person you are angry with is attacking us. And it releases the hormone adrenaline. Our energy increases. At this point, it is important to implement the sub-principles of anger control step by step, so that we can manage our anger.
How can we manage our anger?
· Recognizing and accepting that you are angry: Many of us do not realize the emotions we experience during the day. However, when we realize and accept this, we take the first and most important step to deal with it. Ask yourself, “I feel angry right now.” It would be nice of you to say. It will be nice for you to realize this and accept it.
· Asking for time and leaving the environment you are in: “ I feel angry right now. Can you give me some time to calm down?” Say it and leave the environment you are in for a while. Doing so will ignite your anger and partially distract your mind. When you have an anger problem with your spouse or someone else, the other party will know that you are angry and will know that you are asking for time to calm down.
· Breathing exercises: Breathe deeply through your nose for at least 5 seconds. It will relieve us in part if we slowly give it away from our network by holding it. Do this several times. You can also do it until you think you’ve calmed down.
· Thinking about things that are funny and that cheer you up: Identify a situation in your mind that is funny and that you believe will cheer you up. Thinking about it will put your angry mood into a more relaxed and fun mood. Maybe your contracting body will let itself go. If you can’t find a funny and entertaining situation, you can watch something that can amuse you at the moment and manage this situation. Your body, which becomes tense and tense with anger, will leave itself to a place where it will calm down and relax by laughing and having fun.
· Doing physical activity: Let’s say you are angry and you have done all three of the above premise. With physical activity, you can make this negative energy healthy by tiring your body. Walking, jogging, sports etc. You can do. Thus, the adrenaline hormone that comes with anger will be replaced by the hormones endorphin and serotonin, which are the happiness hormones together with physical activity.
· Question yourself: There may be your own feelings behind what you’re angry about. Recognizing and accepting that your negative emotions are making you angry is an important step in managing your anger. Your anger may be caused by you. In this matter, apply the above principles, but if you are insufficient in questioning yourself or when you think that you cannot manage your anger and cause a serious problem, seek help from an expert.
· Solution oriented approach: Let’s say a situation angers you and you fulfill the above premises. However, you may need to reconcile by talking to this person. In such cases, your problem-oriented approach will mean doing the above in vain. There is a problem and it needs to be solved. Your solution-oriented approach is an important step in managing your anger.
· Using “I” language: In anger, our communication immediately breaks down. Incriminating conversations occur. However, this is not the solution to the problem. Speaking the I language instead of you speaking the language is a reasonable and healthy communication language. You tongue says this. You told me this, you went there, you did that. See, they are all accusatory statements. In I language, for example, “I feel worthless when you do this.” What is the message here? Maybe I felt wrong, do you want to fix this? You will give that message to the other person. If you talk to that person about your feelings, you are less likely to offend that person.
There are other cases, of course. Listening and accepting the other party, showing the virtue of apologizing, being able to empathize, etc. These are constructive attitudes in anger management. When you empathize, you can look at things from the other person’s perspective in order to understand them. This will mean understanding the other side. It is very important to apologize. Freud’s following aphorism about this situation is quite critical. “Apologizing doesn’t mean you’re wrong. It means that your value to the other party is higher than your ego.” says. When you apply all these sub-techniques in the anger state, you will make the situation completely clear. And you can turn anger, which seems like a destructive emotion, into a constructive emotion by managing it very well. Therefore, it is very important to turn the crisis into an opportunity.
The important thing in anger and its management is not to feel anger, as the name suggests. What matters is how and how much we manage our anger. Now that you’ve learned all these techniques, it’s time to practice them. If you can’t manage your anger, you can get help from an expert… Love.