Everything starts like in the movies; beautiful dreams, sweet words, excitements built together … Sometimes everything does not go as planned and separation can knock on the door. Although this situation varies from person to person, in some cases it can be very painful and even push the person into depression. The sadness experienced after a ended relationship is a loss for the person and as in the loss of death; It has some common features such as not being able to see the person again, not being able to realize the dreams for the future. How the relationship ended during the separation process, the importance of the relationship for the person, whether it is the party that broke up or left, the investment made in the relationship, being married or single, and the length of the relationship are among the factors that affect the recovery process.
What to Do After Separation? What should not be done?
After the ending relationship, sometimes in people; it is the desire to blame the other party unnecessarily, to declare a scapegoat for the separation that is the result of the wrong relationship. It should not be forgotten that the meeting of two good people is not always enough for a perfect relationship, the ending relationship does not make the character of the people bad, it just means that being good is not enough for the relationship. Therefore, instead of blaming the other party, one should be able to think, “I’m a good person, too, but being a good person for this relationship is not the key to the right relationship.”
Do not delay your mourning. One of the biggest mistakes made after a breakup is to ignore what happened, not to cry even if you want to cry, and to cover up and act like nothing happened. This is just like the child hitting the table with his foot and saying “it didn’t hurt, it didn’t hurt” even though he was hurt. If there is a mourning to be held, it should be mourned, every mourning that is not held, every suppressed emotion, sadness and anger manifests itself in a somatic way. For example, a person who is deceived or abandoned asks, “Why should I mourn him, will he leave me and feel sorry for him?” says. But the feeling that needs to be experienced is not for the person, but for the relationship experienced. Grief is also very important for accepting the reality of separation and the lessons to be learned from the relationship.
Starting a new relationship right away is one of the most common mistakes. People who start a new relationship right after a breakup are generally not strong enough to handle the grieving and acceptance process. A person thinks that a new relationship will make you forget the old one, so to speak, “nails pull out nails”. This behavior is like thinking that a bleeding wound that will not heal without surgery will heal when covered with a Band-Aid.
There is a fallow process even for planting a crop in the field, the purpose is to rest the soil, not to mix the new crop with the old crop, and to make the new crop high quality. The feelings, behaviors and problems of the person who has not been mourned, who have not learned the lessons to be learned from the past relationship, who have not analyzed the ending relationship, who have not questioned their role in the relationship, who have not examined their ways of maintaining a relationship and how to solve problems, and who have not given themselves time to start a new relationship. It is likely to appear again in the future.
Texting, calling, and following social media accounts after separation are among the factors that prolong the grieving process. Sometimes one wishes to remain friends; Although it is not very possible to remain friends with the person with whom he has intense feelings, it makes it difficult to overcome the pain of separation. It is important to decide on this when the feelings cool down, when the grieving process is completed and when you see that person and you feel no emotion such as anger, anger, love.
It is necessary to grieve after the end of the relationship, to experience the pain, anger and emotions that need to be experienced, but if this process takes longer than necessary, it brings a separate problem. Sometimes because the person believes that the partner he left will come back, sometimes because it is difficult to start a new relationship, he cannot face himself about the ending relationship, people who cannot accept that the separation is over have difficulty in completing the grieving process, and sometimes this can go as far as depression.
Do not be afraid to share your sadness. Some people do not want to share their situation with anyone, they are afraid that if they do, they will appear weak by people or they will face the attitude of “Are you still thinking about it?” Instead of going through this process alone, it is important to share with your acquaintances who will listen to you and support you, in order to get through the process easily.
People who cannot cope with the sadness they experience sometimes lead themselves to overeat or stop eating, sometimes to spend the whole day sleeping with the thought “If I sleep, this pain will go away”, or to be unable to sleep all night or to numb their thoughts with harmful substances such as alcohol or drugs. They may avoid doing the social activities they used to do, they may withdraw into themselves. It should be known that these situations will not do anything other than suppress the process, and will not make you forget.
Remember that after a relationship ends, you need time. It is a chance to experience this situation and learn the lessons that need to be learned, analyze the relationship, realize what you did in your old relationship and why you did not carry the old mistakes to the new relationship, and that it is a homework given to you by life, to restructure your life, to know yourself better, to see and realize your deficiencies and mistakes. Remember it is. If you cannot cope with all these processes on your own and this situation causes deterioration in your social, work, education and career fields, getting psychological support is very important in terms of healthy separation.
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