Understand Me: Narcissism

“Here I am before you in my most pompous, dazzling state. Because I am the man of the greatest. Every time I look in the mirror for a long time, I fall in love with myself a little more. Because I am one of the special people created in this world; noble, superior, virtuous, intelligent, successful, beautiful. Shouldn’t I be privileged as someone who starts life 1-0 ahead? I am a privileged person, I must live as I wish and have everything I want immediately. Thanks to my quick wit, I love to find manipulative ways and achieve my wishes. I can’t come to be blocked and put on hold. If I want something from someone, it should be immediately. If I feel blocked or if my requests are not fulfilled immediately, I may switch to humiliating, yelling or even bullying the other person. Not being able to reach my needs in any way makes me angry. If my wishes are not fulfilled exactly as I want them, I consider them unfulfilled. When I enter an environment, I like to show myself immediately. It’s not for me to be quiet and listen to other people’s stupid conversations. If there is someone who will talk in an environment and keep the dynamic of the environment, of course it should be me. I want people to listen to my successes and benefit from my advice. If there is someone superior to me and the attention is on him, I feel like the atmosphere has run out of oxygen, and I want to escape from there immediately. Also, I don’t like to listen to troubles. I get bored easily with the troubles of simple people, empathy is not for me at all. If there is a pain to talk about, it should be my pain. After all, no one has suffered as much in this life as I have. If you want to get along with me, let me tell you a secret; If you do everything I say as I want and praise me all the time, I will get on very well with you. Because I love to be flattered. But let me tell you in advance, don’t question my loyalty to you. Because I cannot dedicate my life to a single person, that would be a sin for a perfectly created person like me. I said I’m a special person, I like to be privileged in relationships as in everything else. But you should never be unfaithful to me because if you break my trust, I will never be able to trust you again. If one day I apologized wholeheartedly for hurting you so much, just know that it’s not me. Run away now.”

The above post is like the words of a typical narcissist. The most important characteristics of people with narcissistic characteristics are; selfish attitudes. According to them, they are the most perfect, intelligent, respected, intelligent, ostentatious, and full of knowledge. They think that they are constantly admired, envied and envied by other people. But unfortunately, they can never have a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Because they have not learned to love other people, to understand their feelings, and to have an equal relationship with others while they are busy self-love and selfishly meeting their own needs.

In family life; have been pampered, addicted, or emotionally deprived. Whatever the case, they childhood needs(love-belonging, respect, freedom-border, justice) not adequately met . (over- or under-fulfillment of a need leads to the development of early maladaptive schemas)

1. Children who have been pampered by their parents and convinced that they are of noble blood,The child’s grandiosity as a result of the fact that the border need is not adequately met and every request is immediately fulfilled. (justification scheme) led to an attitude. In other periods of his life, there is a desire to have privileges and to be flattered, as in the spoiled childhood. This caused him to desire to have a high status in his later life. (status seeking scheme) . Failure to meet the need for boundaries reduces their tolerance for being held back and hindered. They cannot tolerate any restriction of their freedom. They even want to postpone the obligatory tasks that will bore them. (inadequate self-control scheme)

2. With the dependent child whose life was facilitated by his parents and who did not take responsibility for himselfr, on the other hand, may have strengthened their submissive and arrogant sides, who try to solve their own problems through pressure ( schema of righteousness, overcompensation of submissiveness schema)

3. Children who are emotionally alone and deprived of love by their parents affection often varied depending on circumstances and performance. His family always wanted him to be the best, otherwise he was insulted. Children who do not receive unconditional love emotional deprivation scheme has developed. Children who are constantly insulted by their families and cannot receive love because they are not good enough flaw schemeand failure schemes have evolved. Children, who feel unloved and defective by their parents, try to get rid of the effects of these feelings by showing superior performance, even if they do not feel this emotion consciously in their future lives. Ex: workaholic. ( high standards scheme)Children with such parents may have tried to comply with their parents’ every wish in order to receive love from their families and not be insulted by their failures. (submission chart)yet in the hurt child exposed to the same parental attitudes ( distrust/ skepticism schema) he has become avoiding a developed real close relationship. All these emotional needs status seeking, righteousness, high standardshidden behind

Schema therapy offers the opportunity to meet the unmet emotional needs of individuals with a narcissistic structure through re-parenting and to strengthen their healthy sides. Thus, while their ability to empathize increases, they can establish more satisfying relationships.

We mental health workers know that; Relatives who are under the influence of narcissistic individuals rather than narcissistic individuals apply to clinics. Another advantage of schema therapy is; It is the opportunity for these individuals to develop themselves in order to establish a healthy relationship with them without surrendering to their own schemes in the face of the pressure of narcissistic people.

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