Unconditional Positive Acceptance While Raising Our Child

Raising children can be really intolerable, especially until the first 7 years of age, but after 7 years of age, when school and social environments come to the fore, situations come to the fore that will surprise us with how to behave differently. Of course, getting expert support is one of the best and necessary ways to communicate with them correctly after having children, but if this is not possible, here’s a little tip from me to you.

Of course, I will tell you about a way that is important before, but especially during the school period, which can help you to experience less jealousy, especially in children with siblings or twins; unconditional positive acceptance / love… What is this unconditional positive acceptance / love? Let’s try to explain briefly. Whether we admit it or not, we often unconsciously choose our children and those around us under certain conditions and give them our love under conditions. For example, we prefer the smart one instead of the child who is misbehaving, or we hug our child who has excelled in his studies and brought a good report card, we praise him, and even if this is a foreign child, we set an example for our own child. In this way, we unknowingly give the message to the INDIVIDUAL “I love you if you’re like so-and-so”. Unfortunately, I had the opportunity to observe these and similar situations with regret in some of my high school and middle school clients. Children whose mothers boasted that they were “very fond of me” were actually INDIVIDUALS who missed being “children” for the sake of gaining the love of their parents, and again, unfortunately, mothers did not admit their mistakes in this regard… Now you will ask me a right question, so what should we do? You’re going to say, “Are we tolerating everything they do and taking it out on us?” You are right, this is the hardest part of the job. unconditional positive acceptance; whatever the situation is, it is based on making our child feel loved. I would like to try to explain this issue, which is difficult and complex to explain, with a few examples and to end my article.

For example; Two brothers, who have received their report cards or exam results from school, come home with excitement and joy, there is a slight uneasiness in the INDIVIDUAL whose report card is not perfect. However, when both INDIVIDUALS come home, even if the parents hug and kiss them with a big hug, regardless of their report cards, then reward them with a small gift (in fact, even a hug and saying that you love them very much is a gift) and then look at the report card of the failed INDIVIDUAL and make constructive criticism by following a positive way. (If you have achieved this success without working, you can do much better when you work, for example) can be said with a soft tone, for example, if a successful INDIVIDUAL examines his report card and rewards him with a sentence such as “here’s the reward for your work” and embraces two siblings again… jealousy and hidden anger towards parents can be eliminated… This way can also be applied in various ways to children we call bad / naughty…

Failure to apply unconditional positive acceptance does not only cause negative situations, but sometimes, even though the visible results seem positive, it causes serious problems in children later on. My 13-year-old client, who had a parent whose love was indexed to academic success, felt compelled to achieve superior success in every exam he took and could not perform any activities required by his age. So much so that her brother, who is 4 years older than her, and my mother were fighting about whom she loves more, and she did not look up from her studies to deserve more love… The result? An individual whose academic success is excellent, but self-confidence and friendship relations are weak, who harbors a secret anger towards his mother and cannot have a healthy love due to the situation he is in…

The only thing we should not forget is this: they are your future and the works that you will leave on the earth, you are the sculptor who built these works, whether you turn them into adults who are self-confident, respectful and loving people, or people who are afraid of life or angry at life, the choice is yours….

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