Two Halves of an Apple: Emotions and Sexuality

Sometimes our emotions are so lively that they keep whispering in our ear no matter what we do: “I am here! You can’t forget me!” If this sound is caused by positive emotions, how nice! Our motivation and energy increase. When they are negative, they consume us. We can’t always relate to our emotions that way. Sometimes we need to suppress our emotions for various reasons (they cause too much pain, we don’t have the strength to face it, etc.).

Even though we are not aware of it, our emotions have an energy. No matter how hard we try to destroy, as long as we cannot face and convey, they are reflected in our actions and relationships. They find a sneaky way to channel their energies. So we can’t eliminate our emotions, we just suppress or try to suppress them. When it comes to suppressed emotions, sexuality also gets its share. How Does? Of course, it takes many forms such as sexual reluctance, sexual dysfunctions such as anorgasmia, and decreased sexual satisfaction.

Considering how many fears we have about sex, it’s easier to understand that we cannot separate sexuality from our emotions. Fear of the opposite sex, fear of being dependent on someone else, fear of getting a sexual disease, fear of punishment, fear of getting pregnant, fear of getting hurt… Another scary part is how our fears are passed down from generation to generation (!)

“Feelings of inadequacy and inadequacy”, which are the reflection of the imperfection schema, “I am ugly, incompetent, incompetent!” It has a critical and condescending voice. This sound undermines our self-confidence. As such, we become a partner who cannot bear to even see his own body and struggles with his inadequacy, instead of a natural, living partner. After a while, we become really clumsy, avoiding sex. In short, when we do not take into account our own potential, the needs of our own relationship, we only have a sex life hooked on shortcomings.

On the other hand, we can think of relationships in which aggression is experienced in sexuality as the expression of “anger”. This aggression, which men reflect more easily, may cause the anger to intensify in women after a while. How can sexuality be a source of pleasure, a playground in an environment where you harbor anger and do not feel safe? Who can let go of someone they’re angry at? It is not surprising at all that the incidence of sexual aversion is quite high. Or the reflection of the suppressed and ever-increasing intense anger on our relationships.

If we still can’t talk about sexuality with our doctor or therapist, there is another feeling that we cannot ignore. An intense emotion that parents who deny what their developmental period brings are often condemned while trying to protect their children: Guilt. Children have games in which they discover sexuality specific to their developmental period, learn roles and wonder, and adolescents have new discoveries and masturbation realities. If they end with insults, punishment, and embarrassment, they may unconsciously cause a perception of sexuality that matches feelings of sinfulness, shame, and impurity. Another possibility is that the person unconsciously punishes himself in many ways, such as living in a painful and painful relationship, thinking that he does not deserve the pleasure of sex. Similarly, the role of unconscious pollution and the perception of sexuality that matches with immorality in the prevalence of watching porn based on sinful scenarios cannot be denied.

For those whose love language is physical contact, sex is a smoother transition. Unfortunately, it is not possible to say the same for children who have not even been stroked by their families, who have been abused or subjected to violence. You may feel timid and lack of confidence in all aspects of adulthood, not just sexuality. It is very difficult for these children, whose boundaries are either very pushed or never closed, to open themselves both emotionally and physically when they become adults. It may be a little easier if they have a partner with this empathy. Otherwise, their feelings of insecurity may be reinforced by pressure, blame and ridicule, causing their shyness to increase.

Resentment, resentment, anger, hatred, shame, guilt and many other negative chronic emotions are the ones we do not want in our definition of sexuality.

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