Teach your son to be kind, compassionate, conscientious and polite.
Undoubtedly, a boy’s first love is his mother. It is a natural result of this emotional state that the child thinks that the attention he shows to his mother is love and that he reacts to his father. The period between the ages of 3-6, in which the foundations of personality are laid, whether male or female, is called the “oedipal period” in developmental psychology and is considered the most important psychological stage of human life. All the characteristic structure, temperament and personality that the individual will carry throughout his life are largely shaped in this period.
During this period, the boy tries to treat his mother as his “lover” and becomes jealous of his mother from his father. On the other hand, he is afraid that his father, whom he sees as a rival, will get angry with him and punish him because of these feelings. When this fear overwhelms his interest in his mother, from that moment on, his love for his father increases and the boy begins to identify with the father model. One of the most distinctive features of this period is that when boys see that their mother loves their father very much, they try to be like their fathers in order to win their mother’s love.
It is very important for the development of the child to get through this period in a healthy way with the common tolerance of the parents. In this period, it will be the most correct and healthy attitude for a mother of a boy to praise her husband frequently and express that she loves and cares for him in the presence of her son.
It is easier for mothers and daughters to establish a warm and friendly relationship between them because they are the same sex. However, boys, who are very different from themselves physically, emotionally and psychologically, often force mothers in relational dimension. And this situation, that is, this conflict process between mother/son, forms the basis of the male-female relationship that we have been thinking about for thousands of years.
Unfortunately, the gender discrimination that still continues in some parts of our country leads the mother to think that she is doing her a favor by favoring her son. Any responsibility that is not given to a boy actually creates a great disadvantage both for his social and emotional development and for his spirit of cooperation. For example; Boys, who are not given responsibility for housework in the house where they were born and raised, will inevitably become a man with prejudice that these jobs are “women’s work” in the future.
It is a known fact that there are biological and psychological differences between men and women. However, seeing these differences as a wealth rather than a handicap and shaping relationships with this perspective is directly proportional to one’s perspective and skill.
The biggest source that a mother feeds while raising her son is the experiences she had with the men in her past (father, older brother, wife, ex-boyfriend, etc.) and the positive / negative traces these experiences left on the mother. As a result of a study conducted in Germany in the mid-1900s, it was determined that mothers spoke fewer and shorter sentences to their baby boys than girls. However, for the development of self-confidence, especially in boys, it is of great importance to be told how much he is loved and how wonderful he is. In addition, another point that should not be forgotten is that boys need affection just like girls.
Boys may want to get away from their mother at certain age periods. It is very important that mothers respect this without being irritable, but by continuing to observe their children, they are able to meet that need when their child really needs affection. In fact, knowing that this last determination is a lifelong cooperation is one of the most important factors that enable men to have a healthy inner peace, even if they are not aware of it.
Teach your son to be kind, compassionate, conscientious, helpful, sharing work, being responsible and polite, and be sure to thank and compliment him for having these virtues. Do not forget that; if mothers choose to raise their sons by imitating the ideal wife they dream of having, their daughters will have much happier marriages and the male/female relationships will be much healthier.