They Found the Cure for Loneliness: Schema Therapy

“Do you have to stay alone for loneliness? Can’t one be alone in crowds?”

If you feel alone in crowds, if you think you are not understood enough by anyone, and if you have known this feeling for a long time, you may have an ’emotional deprivation schema’. Emotional deprivation schema, like other schemas, fights its own lifelong struggle.

It makes the person believe that they will not be understood by anyone and that they will not receive emotional support at any time. As a result, the person cannot establish healthy social relations and seeks a remedy in his own way to get rid of this feeling. Either he closes himself up to people with whom he can be close and emotionally close. Either he stays away from all people in order not to establish emotional intimacy with people, or he gives too many emotional messages to those around him in order to overcome his emotional deprivation. As a result of all these behaviors, the belief that he is not loved by anyone, not understood by others, and that he cannot receive social support appears once again. And the result is sadness. One of the biggest problems experienced by individuals with emotional deprivation schemas is their inability to experience secure attachment. This is a feeling that accompanies them from the very past, even from their infancy. Research shows that if the bond he establishes with his mother during infancy is not secure, there is a problem in establishing a secure bond in adulthood.

Since people with emotional deprivation schema accept that they will not be loved by anyone, they base all their private relationships on this feeling. The behavior of the partner who shows interest and love contradicts the idea that I am not loved, which he learned from his past. Because these individuals, who feel that their emotional needs are not met by the family they trust most and the only family they have learned to establish social relations with, is unlikely to be loved by someone else. Since their main thoughts are like this, they question the behavior of those who truly love and care for them, and they do not feel attracted to them with thoughts such as “He’s doing this to pick me up”, “too boring”, “he doesn’t act sincerely”…. Usually, the people with whom they feel strong attraction make them feel the emotion they know very well (emotional deprivation). He behaves just like his parents and does not show emotional intimacy (schema chemistry). The best way is the well-known way, and they are enslaved by the same feelings. The result will be the same, sooner or later. The pain of loneliness accompanied by the inner voice saying “I am alone, I am so lonely”.

The miraculous effect of schema therapy begins precisely in coping with these strong emotions. Schema therapy works on the root memory (the earliest moment of emotional deprivation) and the continuation of the root memory (patterns of the same emotion that continues throughout life) on the cognitive, sensory and behavioral planes, helping to alleviate the strong pain experienced, to enjoy life, to establish satisfying relationships, to develop unmet emotional It helps to satisfy their needs and to significantly reduce or even eliminate the psychological and psychiatric disorders that arise as a result.

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