The Perfect Mother and Her Child

In a country, there was a beautiful, beautiful, orderly woman.

This woman met the most handsome man in the country one day and they fell in love with each other.

After days of chasing, they studied, worked and traveled, they decided to get married.

They planned a perfect wedding and then became a couple that fascinated those who saw it.

Their houses consisted of white walls, lined up books, neat cupboards, armchairs and carpets of the same color.

The color white was so dominant in the house that those who entered the house sometimes sat with sunglasses.

They used to go to work with clean and ironed clothes every day. His shoes were dyed, his hands and hair were well-groomed.

This couple has decided that they want to have a child one day.

The woman planned everything in advance, read books, ate her dinner regularly, had her husband read the books and provided her with a good diet. And when they finally said they were ready, the woman found out that she was pregnant.

9 months passed when I said pilates yoga to the baby who played music throughout the whole pregnancy.

They came home with the baby.

They put the baby in the cradle, which they carefully prepared for him, and immediately opened the relevant page of the book, the page that started with “when you come home with the baby…”.

There was no room for mistakes in their lives, they would always live by the book.

Come time go time our baby has grown.

She’s been a sweet girl. But there was something wrong. What they did no longer fit the information in the book.

The parents tried to put the child in the same mold as he got out of the book.

His hands and feet are intertwined.

Days passed and everything got tangled like a ball.

They could not find the end of the rope.

The child is restless, the parents are unhappy.

One day, the boy started to paint the walls with crayons in his hand. The mother was about to say stop, the father was silent.

He even took a pen and painted it with his daughter.

The mother held back at first, but when she saw how happy her daughter was, she joined the game.

From that day on, the parents only took into account their own intuition and their daughter’s behavior.

They played a lot of games and made a mess.

They made a lot of mistakes.

There has been unlimited happiness in their home, but they have also set some ground rules.

It is good for everyone that there are certain rules at home rather than a rule for everything, and the boundaries are clear but sometimes stretched.

The house is no longer white, the color has come.

The books were also not arranged in order.

His shoes were sometimes unpainted and his clothes were unironed.

But what is not missing is emotions in their homes.

The family, who learned to embrace all emotions and colors, lived happily ever after.

This is a fairy tale, when our family painted a wall together, they realized that happiness is relying on their intuition. They realized that they needed to add a color other than white to their lives. Listening to Büşra Tarçalır and Pınar Mermer’s wonderful parenting talk the other day, I felt so relieved. Parents who are constantly bombarded with information have a very difficult job! Parents who are afraid of everything they do lose their intuition after a while. However, intuition, observing your baby/child and recognizing their needs are so valuable!

It is more valuable than the dozens of books you have read/will read. There is no prescription for parenting. And as Pınar Mermer says, “no one was promised a rose garden.” We can’t parent without struggling and making mistakes. As long as we can make up for what happened. And another important thing they say is that children are not so traumatized right away. Trauma is a ‘cleft’ as Büşra Tarçalır says. It can be one of the repeated hurtful, neglecting parental attitudes.

Dear parent, let’s take a deep breath. Congratulate yourself. Pat your back for every good thing you’ve tried. Then go back and look at your child, what do you think he needs? A perfect mother and a perfect life? To love, to be accepted with its faults and beauties?

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