‘Your brother is doing it, why can’t you do it?’ and similar endless comparison sentences! Do these sentences sound familiar to you?
Like many parents, do you sometimes unwittingly engage in such misbehavior to encourage your child or make him/her successful? In fact, most of the time they come out of your mouth unintentionally. However, being compared to another person, even if well-intentioned, is not good for anyone. Especially for children, this does not encourage them to behave better, but also makes them feel worse. While you think that you are fighting for your child’s well-being, you unwittingly open deep wounds in your child’s soul and make them feel inadequate. Maybe your child does not reveal these negative feelings to you and you think that the comparison is on the way to get better with a positive effect on your child.
But know that comparing children with other children has many negative consequences:
compared to another The child begins to feel inadequate and worthless.
In time self-esteem and self-esteem decrease. He starts to feel negative feelings like I can’t succeed and I can’t do it all the time.
In a child with a disability ; envy of friends, resentments and communication conflicts are seen.
Comparing child feels like my parents don’t love me and don’t understand me
The child’s social relationships and future academic success begin to be affected.
The compared child may become unhappy and irritable over time, and may become more introverted and isolate himself from social life over time.
Compared children need constant approval and appreciation in their future social or academic life.
How will you feel when your child starts comparing you to other parents? Let’s see what you can do before you get to this point.
1. Every child is special:
Just focus on your own child’s development, concentrate on your child’s abilities and personal characteristics.
2. Avoid Exaggerations:
Try not to use exaggerated sentences such as ‘You never…’ or ‘You always…’. Such sentences contain general judgments. It targets all of your child’s behavior in response to one behavior and causes the child to break.
3. Not you; I Use Message:
Always the same excuse, again you didn’t do your homework. ( You Language )
Not doing your homework is starting to worry me. (I Language)
What would your reaction be when you heard these two sentences?
Yes, you language makes you feel guilty and the person in front of you goes directly to the defense.
I-language prompts the other person to think. The decision is yours.
Accept your child as they are and be a good guide and give them the opportunity to show their different talents.