The Importance of Psychological Boundaries in Spiritual Development

Parents are often advised and strongly emphasized to set limits on their children. We see that the individual’s self-control, awareness of responsibility and connection with reality develop more healthily in living environments where the rules are clear and clear compared to environments where there are no rules.

The spiritual boundary is where the “I” ends and the “Other” begins. It is a natural part of development. It is a line that is perceived, felt, assumed even if it is invisible, that separates me and the other. It is a dynamic structure that starts with the relationship between the baby and the caregiver and spreads to the whole life, is learned, stretched and transformed.

Spirituality is such a multi-layered and multidimensional phenomenon that it does not depend on a single factor. Spiritual boundaries are only one dimension and are a psychological need. It’s the way to know who you are. Because man is a social being. He creates himself by seeing what kind of person he is in the eyes of the caregiver. Especially in the first years of life, intertwining is intense. The baby and the caregiver are in mental cohesion. The human cub feels the world he was born into as an extension of himself in the early period. He is in a grandiose illusion of being able to say, “My mother exists because I am”. However, life does not consist only of the kingdom he assumes. As he gets older, he will move away from seeing the figures he lives in as an extension of himself. For self formation, it has to be separated from the state of being alone, from the intertwining of feelings, emotions, and mind. The initiation, maintenance, and consolidation of psychic separation is possible by clearly stating what is and is not permissible by the adults in the environment. The limit set by the parent makes the child feel blocked. When presented in a determined and balanced way, the child experiences a feeling of trauma, this is not bad, on the contrary, it grows it step by step. He encounters the fact that everything in life cannot be as he wishes, and learns to tolerate the obstacle and develop a tolerance for the deprivation that comes with the obstacle. Childhood and youth are the periods when we feel the desire to try and discover something and need the approval of our parents at the same time. Desires are intense, but not all of them can be fulfilled. Unhindered desires, unrestricted desires force the child and the young person over time. Because part of being in life requires facing disappointments. Neither self nor world perception of a person who realizes his/her every wish is realistic, he/she experiences disappointment more intensely and more heavily than it is.

Sticking to spiritual boundaries is the healthy way to exist in the community. In addition to knowing where one’s own boundaries begin and end, the individual must know and respect the boundaries of the other person. Consider that it becomes difficult to make oneself autonomous, to make one’s voice heard and to reveal oneself in communities that are intertwined, where different and other are not allowed. The person who has the anxiety of revealing himself moves away from creative thinking, production and creation. How can the individual exist where the self is not evident? Separation cannot occur, everyone thinks the same, feels the same, being different is not allowed. If there is no separation, it will be difficult to say no, it will be difficult to think differently from others, it will be difficult to express your opinion. In short, self and self-development and uniqueness are interrupted.

A child is able to see the consequences of his own actions through the boundaries around him. When he cannot control his anger and becomes aggressive, he sees the results of his own choices, attitudes and behaviors with the reaction of his environment, peers and adults around him. Healthy boundaries set by the environment are the way for the child to feel safe and secure. Because the world is bigger than a child’s eyes. The child gradually begins to become autonomous and individualized from the bonded relationship with the parent. The support of the parents is not limited to encouragement, but also to convey the characteristics of the environment to the child, what is appropriate and what is not. Parents are careful, warn and prevent if necessary against situations that will threaten their own safety. Thus, the child knows the size of the garden he will walk around, relaxes as much as he can, explores, touches, examines. Suppose that when excessive tolerance or unbalanced anger is shown to behaviors that can lead to dangerous consequences, the child will be surprised or not know what to believe.

Despite all this importance, setting boundaries is not always a simple action for parents either. Parents experience the difficulty of making decisions and choices in various questions. She is worried whether she is squeezing her child with rules and boundaries, whether she is overly prescriptive, whether she is soft and can not establish authority. These concerns are in order not to disappoint the child in order to give most of the things he felt deprived of when he was a child. However, these inner voices must be controlled and the boundaries must be clear. It is for the good of the child. When the child realizes the psychological limits of himself and his environment, the world will be a safe and peaceful place for him to explore.

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