Jealousy is a complex mental life and negative attitude that fears losing a person or a relationship. Jealousy is not an innate emotion, it is an emotion that is learned and developed and affects many people. This feeling also manifests itself in some individuals. Jealous individuals think that they will lose something they have and that they should have what others have. Just as childThis feeling manifests itself in adults as well as in adults.
Jealous children feel uneasy in their relationships with the loved one and fear that they will lose their status in the face of this person’s love. One of the biggest factors in the emergence of this feeling is the arrival of a new baby in the family. Until then, the child, who has only one and all attention, has to share the interest and love he has with his brother with the arrival of a new baby. And the child, in fact, cannot make sense of these experiences in his own world and experiences complexity. Because he is faced with a situation he has never seen before. In fact, the sibling poses a threat to the older child. For the child, sibling means insecurity, anxiety and sharing the mother. The child, who has felt all the love and attention on him until that moment, feels abandoned and insecure with the division of care and love into two. And in the face of these situations, he develops a feeling of jealousy towards his brother. In fact, when we look at it, this feeling of jealousy emerges even before the birth of a sibling. The parents’ preparation for the new child reinforces the feeling of jealousy in the child. The child thinks that he is not loved before his brother comes.
How does the feeling of jealousy manifest itself in the child? What are the symptoms?
Some children openly express their anger, making hurtful gestures to their sibling. Some children may experience what we call regression in psychology. And in the child baby behaviors are seen. In fact, with this behavior, the child tries to give a message to his parents. He thinks that if I am a baby, my parents will take care of me too. Sleep problems can be seen during this process in crying for no reason. Another important point is the mistakes made by the parents in this process. In fact, many of us have witnessed such mistakes in our environment. If I give an example of these, it is the use of sentences such as “Don’t worry about the older child, we will love you as much as the baby”, which seem well-intentioned, but can cause the child to compete with his sibling. Or, another mistake is constantly adjusting the child’s life according to the baby with sentences such as “keep quiet, your brother is sleeping” to the older child, which causes this feeling to be reinforced in the child. Another mistake is to use negative sentences about the older child’s sibling. Phrases such as “he is always dirty, you are our first tear, we love you more” are not convincing to the child and develop an insecure attitude towards his family.
So, what can we do as parents to prevent sibling jealousy? I can hear you say.
Before the baby is born, the child should be prepared for this situation. Knowing what might happen reduces anxiety in the child. As parents, feelings of jealousy should not be suppressed. And the child should not be blamed for this feeling. When the child reveals his feelings, his jealousy decreases over time. One-to-one time should be spent with the child, and the child should be made to feel that he is valued. ”We love you, you are valuable to us, you are strong, messages should be given without comparison sentences. The child should be reminded that he was once a baby, and the same care and attention should be given to him. Along with all this, the feeling of jealousy in the child leaves its place to positive emotions over time.
There are definitely parents who have great anxiety in this process. Jealousy is a natural and developmental problem. In this process, as parents, the child should be understood, approached without blaming him, and it should not be forgotten that this process will pass over time as it is a developmental and natural process.
We wish you to get through this process in the healthiest way possible…