The effects of separate parental attitudes on the child

We have examined in detail the effects of parental attitudes on children. So, what is the effect of parents who lived apart from these parental attitudes or separated for some reason on the child? What effects can separate parental attitudes have on the child? Should the child’s negative attitudes be attributed only to the child?

Family is needed for individuals to continue their lives in a healthy way and to open up to the outside world. A person who develops features in the family in order to open up to the outside world acts with the solutions he learned in the family environment in order to find solutions to the problems he will experience in the later years. The ability of individuals to develop a healthy and balanced personality from an early age depends on their attitudes in the family. Although personality development develops throughout a person’s life, it is based on childhood. For this reason, the attitudes and behaviors of the family on the child are of great importance. Especially the attitude of the parents is a model for the developing child. By imitating and assimilating this model, the child gradually begins to form his personality. Therefore, parents should behave in accordance with the behaviors they expect from their children. When the attitudes of the parents are examined, it is seen that the attitudes of the parents on the children are affected by their own parents. Individuals who have faced frustration for any reason during their childhood can try to educate their children with the attitudes and methods they have seen from their own family when they become parents. Negative behaviors may occur as a result of the child’s encountering some negative attitudes. Children may want their parents to have strong communication, they may want to grow up with them, but in some cases, such an environment may not be offered to children, even in the natural flow of life. During the separation of the parents, the child may experience adjustment problems. Especially in the early stages of separation, this is a source of stress for every child. After the separation of the parents, a decrease in academic achievement, anxiety, difficulty in obeying the rules and depression can be observed in children. Especially children who experience such a situation may also have social relationship problems. If the child is exposed to conflicts between the family, it may also be affected emotionally. As a result of divorce, children often cannot see their fathers or their sight opportunities may decrease. This situation, which pushes the children who have a close relationship with the father to more stress, can also negatively affect the child who interacts less with the mother due to economic problems or working life. If the child has to leave his home and his circle of friends as a result of separation, he will have lost his own close circle. Therefore, the possibility of the child to be more aggressive or introverted as a result of inappropriate reactions to these situations may increase. Especially in the divorce process, the parents’ attitudes perceived by the children can also affect their social adaptation level. In particular, according to studies on this subject, it has been observed that boys whose parents are in divorced families perceive more psychological control from their mothers, while girls perceive more psychological control from their fathers. Social adjustment levels of children whose parents are divorced may also decrease. Especially in the presence of a parent who has a communication breakdown during the divorce process, if the child is here and there and inconsistency in attitudes may occur, then it should be considered that inconsistent parental attitudes may have negative effects on children. The inconsistency of the parents on the children can negatively affect the development of the children. For example, in cases where one of the parents says yes to something the child wants and the other says no to something that the child wants, or the mother and father say black, the child will not be able to distinguish what is right and wrong, and may have spoiled, unruly, disrespectful attitudes. In order to avoid this situation, it is necessary to have a strong communication between the spouses. In any decision to be made about the child, it is necessary to listen to the child and make a joint decision.

In this case, what should be done in order to minimize the anxiety and stress experienced by the child and to ensure that he has a positive attitude?

During the separation period, the child should be informed in accordance with the developmental period, and the parents should not blame each other. Children may blame themselves when their parents decide to separate. It should be conveyed in language appropriate to children that the separation is not related to the children. Setting boundaries and showing love to the child should continue in the same way. Quality time should be spent with children and children should be supported so that they do not have problems with their academic success. Conflicts after divorce children should not participate. In this case, the problems that the child will experience can be minimized. If the mother and father constantly criticize and abuse their child, this situation will return to them in installments in the future.

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