The Effects of Family Characteristics on the Individual

Family attitudes are effective in the emotional, social and personality development of the individual. When we look at the basic elements in the family, we encounter definitions such as the relationship between spouses, the relationship between the child-parent, bilateral relations, sibling relationships, communication, roles, coping skills, emotions, daily functions. Within the framework of these elements, each family has its own structure and system. It also has its own rules. Just as the individual is unique, so is the family.

No family is perfect, there will be conflict, stress, problems and mistakes, it’s human. There may be difficult situations going through as a family. Such as loss, mourning, shocking natural events. One of the things that make up the structure of the emotional development of childhood is how the family attitudes are and how they are managed in the face of ordinary or challenging events. Some family attitudes are toxic, harmful, and negatively affect the emotional and social development of the child/individual. To give an example of these;

Presence of physical, emotional or sexual abuse…

Harassment, in any form, whether physical, sexual or verbal, injures a child and causes him or her to fail to use existing talents and skills well. Blaming an introverted child for his shyness and criticizing negatively by saying “why are you like this, be an extrovert, look at your friends” will cause the child to criticize himself in the same way in his future life and to doubt himself.

Perfectionism…

This attitude, which is accepted in societies, is actually paralyzing. The perfect attitude does not allow mistakes, the child who makes mistakes is constantly criticized. Thus, he always strives to do the best in the future, and his tolerance for mistakes, loss and defeat decreases.

Strict rules, strict lifestyle and strict beliefs…

In families where the facts of life are perceived as black or white (all or nothing), only one thing is good and the alternatives are perceived as completely bad, intolerance occurs against mistakes and the negativities of life. The child who witnesses this will not be able to stretch his own rules in the ever-changing world and will experience difficulties.

Closeness to communication and blindness to emotions…

The family environment in which the problems are not talked about, where fear, anger and disappointment are ignored and not expressed, causes the child to suppress their emotions. Too much suppressed emotions are destructive, destructive. People who care about the ideas of the outside and who want to draw a perfect family picture may not talk about the problems in the family, communication remains limited. Miscommunication is devastating for family members.

 

Mixed messages…

you are good/bad; I love you very much/I don’t love you at all; come to me / out of my sight etc. Messages given at extremes such as these upset the child’s inner world and negatively affect the development of self-confidence. The child, who needs a safe harbor while growing up, experiences intense trust problems in their current and future relationships.

Lack of fun and pleasure…

For some families, life is serious. There is no room for fun, laughter, enjoyment. Respect, framework, poise, safety, discipline and system are more important than play, fun and pleasure. A flexible attitude towards life allows life to be enjoyed, rigidity causes the opposite, life turns into a tasteless struggle.

Integration…

In families where members are intertwined, no one has their own identity. The mother’s problem becomes the child’s problem. Family members get angry at the same thing, rejoice at the same thing, and grieve for the same thing. No one can act independently of each other. There are no borders, no one is separated from each other. Seeing this, the child becomes dependent on relationships and cannot make decisions for his own life.

Every family experiences stress. The important thing is to mitigate the damage that stress can cause. In a family, being willing to make up for the mistakes made, trying to communicate openly and without judgment, expressing one’s own problems, sorrows or fears without blaming others makes the inner balance healthy. Protection of personal boundaries, independence of individuals, allowing their realities, and freedom of expression help individuation in life, qualified social relations, being at peace with life and self-sufficiency. And perhaps the best thing is to find ways to enjoy life together…

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