The Effects of Childhood on Us

All kinds of attitudes, attitudes and behaviors that we experience, see and adopt towards us in early childhood show their effects in many areas throughout our adult life. Of course, I feel compelled to open that parenthesis right here. Man is always born again. We must never forget this. What should we do, I grew up in such a family until I was 6 years old, they treated me like this, I am like that too. This thought is not acceptable.

Childhood shapes our personality, but our life is not just childhood. None of us are just our childhood. Childhood experiences and family should not be the scapegoat for every negativity, and the bill should not be cut to childhood or parents. A person should not allow his mind to be stuck in his 5-6 year old state. God has given mind, understanding and time… We grow old and learn in the journey of life.

When we look at the way a child laughs, talks, eats or plays, we find traces of his family. The child’s attitudes and behaviors give information about the child’s upbringing to those who read it correctly. At this point, the attitudes and personality structures of the parents come into play.

Our children are entrusted to us. We must strive to bring our relics to society in the best way possible. The stable behavior of parents in raising children strengthens communication and relationships within the family. In addition, it improves the child’s self-confidence skills. Again, parental attitudes and behaviors support the development of privacy awareness.

If the child is not given a sense of privacy; The child will not be able to protect the boundaries of himself and the other, will not be able to take a healthy path in the development of self-confidence, will make himself open to external threats and dangers, will not be able to defend himself and the other in the face of emotional, physical and psychological neglect and abuse. Parental attitudes and attitudes are very valuable in the child’s awareness of privacy and self-confidence development. It should not be forgotten that; The child with a lack of self-confidence will be the easiest prey of the malicious people out there. Therefore, we should pay special attention to the development of our children’s self-confidence and support them.

Parental attitudes and attitudes are important in the child’s personality development, social development, academic success, self-confidence development and gaining all values.

Democratic parental attitudes: Regardless of the age of the child, his/her decisions are respected, his/her opinion is valued, the child’s basic needs are met and love is shown. While the success of the child is rewarded, the failure is not punished, and the family does not have strict rules. In this way, the child can express himself comfortably.

Overprotective parental attitudes: Parent’s “Oh, it will fall, something will happen, oh it will hurt” etc. we encounter attitudes, attitudes and approaches. Since the child, who is constantly kept under control so that he will not be harmed, and who is faced with restriction, is not given the opportunity to know himself; The child cannot act alone, does not develop self-confidence, cannot make his own decisions and realize himself. When the child goes out of the family, he will not be able to meet someone who will protect him as much as his family does, and he will be exposed to all kinds of dangers that may come from the outside.

Punishing, authoritarian parental attitudes: The child is constantly afraid and cannot distinguish between good and bad behavior. There is a constant state of pressure, the child’s personality is disregarded, physical violence is experienced when he does not do what he is told. The self-confidence of the child who grows up with these attitudes and attitudes does not develop.

Undecided- inconsistent parental attitudes: Parents are undecided among themselves. The father says no when the mother says yes, and the mother says no when the father says yes. The child hears a different response in every situation, and these inconsistent attitudes do not contribute positively to the child’s personality development.

Child-centered parental attitudes: What the child says is almost like an order, everything he says is done. The world at home revolves around the child, if the child grows up with a perception that everything is because of me, when he leaves the house, that is, when he starts to get away from home with the beginning of his school life, he will want the world to revolve around him and will try to establish dominance and authority over his friends. While trying to establish dominance and authority; Since he cannot gain border awareness and social privacy awareness, he will have difficulties with his peers due to adaptation problems, and he will not be able to establish relationships and become lonely because he does not know how to share.

Supportive attitude: What we want is the tolerant parenting style. The child who grows up with a supportive attitude; He was able to apply the virtues of privacy, compassion, justice, and similar virtues to his life and gained these skills, he is trustworthy, reliable, cooperative, happy and friendly.

Among those who are trying to bring the child in the awareness of privacy; It is the ability to react to a danger or a bad touch that he may experience outside, to go to someone he can trust nearby, to say no, to protect his body.

When we look at the raising process of the parents in the life of the child who has not been given a sense of privacy, nothing happens, he does not understand, he does not remember when he grows up, and similar approaches predominate. A child who grows up with an attitude that strips and dresses the child in crowds, and changes his diaper publicly because he is younger, cannot protect himself, his own privacy, or the privacy of others outside. For example, a child who grew up without the awareness of privacy may throw off his shirt when he sweats while playing outside with his friends. Because she didn’t learn why she shouldn’t do this in that first social structure. The child cannot apply what he has not learned in his life.

Where the private areas are varies from culture to culture, tradition, belief and life. To mention the things to be considered in raising privacy awareness; First of all, the child should be introduced to the private areas and taught to protect these areas.

– The child should be taught that his private parts are private, that no one can touch his private parts, that anyone who wants to touch it should react and tell his family, and that he should not allow anyone to kiss him without his permission. The lack of this awareness may open the door to big problems in the future.

-The approach that it is small, it does not understand, nothing happens is a big mistake. On the contrary, many things happen. You should not fall into this trap. Parents should respect the privacy of the child from the first day of birth. It should not be dressed or clothed in the presence of another person, and should not spend a lot of time while changing diapers.

The development and character of the child changes depending on age. For this reason, each parent should acquire self-care skills according to the developmental characteristics and character of their child.

– The potty used by the child during toilet training should not be in public.

-In the process that starts with toilet training; After meeting their needs, they should be taught how to do their cleaning, they should be encouraged to take a bath, the child should be on their underwear when they need to enter to help, and the importance of privacy should be felt.

-Parents should apply what they are trying to teach the child in their own lives. The child is not with what he hears; learns more easily by what they see. The child constantly observes, takes and records every behavior like a camera. That’s why they need to pay close attention to the behavior, attitude and attitude of the parent. For example, while trying to teach the child to walk around the house by closing their private areas, parents should also walk around the house by closing their private areas. While trying to teach the child to keep the toilet door closed, the parent should keep the toilet door closed.

-The child should be given the ability to say NO, the choice of toys, clothes and accessories should be appropriate for his age and gender, the child should not be allowed to spend unlimited and uncontrolled time in front of the screen, the child should not be addressed with words of love that are not suitable for the child, the person he does not even want to go to should be liked by his parents. forcing “go and see, he will love you” etc. approaches should be avoided, the address of the house should be taught and the numbers of family members should be memorized.

The parent should involve the child in the process of raising privacy education or awareness. For example; Let’s say you are faced with an inappropriate scene while your family is watching a TV series/movie. At that moment, the parent’s sudden change of channel will arouse curiosity in the child. Let’s not forget that each of us has a screen and internet at our fingertips. We can reach almost all the details in written and visual form for any subject we want. If the child who awakens his curiosity can read and write, he will go to his room to satisfy his curiosity about the broadcast on the channel we closed and maybe watch more of the closed scene.

If, instead of closing the channel, that scene happened with the child; The mother or father should express their reaction about that scene, the situation in that scene is not pleasant, but should not tell this directly to the child, but should explain it as if they are telling the general opinion that it is wrong. It should be stated that what happened in that scene was wrong and not suitable for privacy, then the channel should be changed.

When the channel is suddenly closed, the child’s curiosity arouses and the child tries to satisfy his curiosity in an insecure environment as soon as he is alone. Of course, it is the sense of curiosity that develops the child. The developer to be careful about is not to let this feeling lead the child wrong. The child will learn the truth that he did not learn from the parents, from the wrong sources outside.

The parent should protect the child from the limitlessness of the screen and be a role model to the child with the use of the screen. While the phones in my hand offer us the world, they should not distract our children from us. For this reason, we should remember our responsibilities towards ourselves and our children, and raise our heads that we buried in the screens.

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