Every period of our life has different changes and transitions. Moving from infancy to childhood, moving from primary school to high school, moving to a new home-work, moving into different partnerships, moving on to a new item… Adapting to changes and getting used to them can often be a painful and difficult process. Adolescence is a process in which many hormonal, emotional and intellectual, i.e. psychological and physiological changes occur. Adolescents do not only experience the benefits of this process, but also the individuals around them are affected by this process. . Therefore, while the adolescent goes through so many changes, in fact, the adolescent’s parents also go through and have to go through. This period is the most difficult and complex part of life, which is located between childhood and adulthood, plays a major role in the formation of our identity and personality traits that will shape our future life.
Disagreements, different ideas and opinions are a situation experienced in every moment of life. The important thing is to manage such crisis periods. Rapid growth and change during adolescence can make it difficult for the adolescent to control his emotions and behaviors. Being stuck between childhood and adulthood differentiates the reactions of both parents and adolescents and their ability to cope with problems. While parents expect their growing children to behave more maturely and responsibly, on the other hand, they want their children to keep their words as they used to. Adolescents, on the one hand, want more freedom and independence, on the other hand, may delay or refuse to take responsibility for their behavior. Conflicts between parents and adolescents stem mainly from these dilemmas. Adolescence has typical attitudes. These attitudes are expressed by all families in a similar way. Such as disobeying authority, disobedience, sensitivity to criticism, dislike and criticism… With these attitudes, the adolescent tries to prove that he is a different individual from his parents, and to show his own competence to himself. On the other hand, he is afraid of being alone and making mistakes, and he needs the guidance of his parents. However, from time to time, they may make expressions and behaviors as if they do not like it.
In line with these changes, parents can observe that their children have a completely different identity, and they may unwittingly exhibit negative attitudes and behaviors towards these situations by being worried. In the past, a child who was more adaptable, obedient, and more careful in his responsibilities soon started not to do these things and refuse them. It is precisely in these situations that when parents try to approach the adolescent at home by using the methods they used in the past years, the severity of the trauma in their relationship begins to increase. Because exactly what the adolescent wants to get rid of, what he wants to prove is that he is no longer a child. However, parents ignore this and want to continue acting like a child.
So what should parents do? What are the right attitudes and methods? How to establish a healthier communication with adolescents?
Situations that all families should never ignore; It is necessary for family members to know that they are valuable and important, to feel safe, to develop a sense of closeness and solidarity, to increase the sense of responsibility and to develop the ability to cope with the difficulties encountered. Attitudes and behaviors approached with this awareness will bring healthy communication skills and therefore less conflict. The basic elements that we should pay attention to in healthy communication are;
•We should explain the reason for whatever we want, without making statements such as commanding, intimidating or authoritative.
•Name-calling, ridicule, humiliation and comparisons should be avoided even if the adolescent’s thoughts seem childish or simple.
•Advice should not be given by constantly talking about your own life or the difficulties in your period.
• The solution suggestions he has brought in the face of the problems experienced should be taken into account, if there are points that need improvement, they can be improved. However, parents should not see themselves as the only source of solution.
•Adolescents’ lives should not be questioned and tested with persistent and constant questions.
•He should not be constantly praised by exaggerating every positive behavior he does as if he has done a supernatural skill.
However, if you think or observe that you have difficulty in dealing with some problems or that you cannot cope with them, please do not neglect to seek professional support in order to have a healthy mental health.