If you have started to apply the suggestions in the first section, it probably means that you have started to take responsibility for your life. This process, which starts with our home, begins to spread to all areas of our lives, and you can start to take the reins of your own life in your hands by starting to realize how you are responsible for the issues that are not actually our fault.
Our whole life is surrounded by the share of victimization. We are constantly suffering from situations that are not our fault. We keep complaining about newspaper and television news, the people we are in a relationship with, our job, our family, the weather conditions, politics, and maybe hundreds of reasons that I can count. If we want to understand and recognize our own sense of victimization, if you complain about even one of them, it means you are in victim psychology. In other words, the economic situation of the country is bad, so if you say that I am unemployed, broke, unhappy, you know that you are in the psychology of victimization.
I think about the sentence structures they often use in client interviews. I’ve always been amazed by their proficiency in finding an absolute responsibility or excuse for all their problems when they talk about their problems. I don’t think I need to tell you how common this is. We all fall into the victimization trap from time to time, and most of the time we consciously fall into this trap. If you are a victim, you are not responsible. Others have things to change, not you. Being in the victim box may comfort you in the first session, but when you look at the whole, you may not like to see that you have spent your life in the victim box.
While you are having a conversation with a friend or thinking about a problem, stop for a second and watch your thoughts and sentences without trying to change them, just watch as an outside observer, without criticizing, judging or thinking about it, just as a silent observer, listen to yourself from afar, what do you say, who are you blaming for daily events? Yes, you are responsible for everything you experience, even though I wouldn’t say that you were wrong on top of all that.
The universal laws that we are accustomed to hearing frequently lately say that everything but everything is interconnected, you are life, everything starts and ends with you. You are responsible for the impact your problems with others have had on you. It is very important to develop the ability to take conscious responsibility for the events we experience in order to get rid of the toxic effects of your problems and to take control of your life, even if you are not wrong, even if you are just a witness to the event.
No thought, phenomenon or process in the universe is found on its own, and every idea is born with its opposite or similar. Every action, every thought brings with it positive or negative. Imagine a woman who constantly complains about her problems, at the same time receives constant attention and support from her environment and socializes. Basically, a process that seems to be positive will bring with it negatives. So, it is a fact that life problems that seem scary to you are also a gain side. Children know this very well and even use this information strategically. Such as a child with a bad parenting relationship developing problematic behaviors or a sexually distant couple complaining about sharing a bed with their children. Problems that appear to be primary are actually secondary and cover up the other problem. There are gains from your problems, and you may consciously or unconsciously delay solving your problems just in order not to give up on these gains.
When you realize these secondary gain pitfalls, your interpretation of your problems begins to change. Your intimacy with yourself increases and your self-confidence improves. The mask you hide behind has been deciphered and now every time you wear that mask, it starts to disturb you. The higher your awareness, the greater your discomfort. These are the birth pangs of your changing and renewed life. The only thing that does not change is death. You are creating a brand new life with your new life.
What is known to be a painful process of change often brings with it sad states. Change is also the end and death of the old one, it is painful. Whatever the process you are going through, instead of thinking it as the End or loss, thinking as change and transformation will help you get through the process much more easily.
When you initiate a cleansing, change and renewal in your life, there is nothing more natural than a wave of sadness enveloping you. In fact, I want to say that I find this depressive state even a little healthy. I’m not talking about a deep depression, I’m just talking about a process of getting rid of the past and the past. I don’t know of any other emotion that transforms people as much as being sad. Although happiness, love, anxiety, fear are all very strong emotions, it is probably the most sadness that changes us in our lives. When sadness comes, it is as if it contains them all, regret, love, fear, anxiety is such a strong emotion that it can enslave our whole being for a long time. Sadness quietens and calms a person, as if it is what is left behind, sadness comes after everything. There is no other emotion that makes a person more mature than experiencing a quiet sadness. You listen to yourself because, in your silence, you see your own adventure… It is said that the whole life of people on their deathbed passes before their eyes. Being sad is like dying a bit, a phase of reviewing your whole life … times of death in life… most of the time it is a loss that makes one sad, the death of a loved one, the loss of a lover, loss of a job, something has come to an end, it will disappear, that situation will end. Before starting a new era, sad times are the time when the soul needs the soul to relieve its pain, learn from its mistakes, increase its awareness, and rest. While you shed the poison inside you with a little tears, you will face your mistakes with regrets and the pain that hurts you will turn into an opportunity with the lessons learned over time, and the ground will begin to prepare for your life that you will reshape. There is a saying that I love to be reborn from the ashes. People who can go through sadness, not those who avoid sadness, live a truly satisfying life.
Most people avoid sadness and continue their ruined marriage just for the sake of not experiencing loss, for example, they continue with the fear of not being able to find a job again. They associate it with not being brave enough. Courage is not really not being afraid of anything, on the contrary, it is crossing the border despite what you fear to death like crazy. There is no such thing as not being afraid, fear is a very natural human emotion, the main thing here is to be able to make decisions despite fear. My father is probably one of the most reckless people I have ever met in my life. But when he encounters a problem, his most basic fears are about health, he usually goes through it to the end despite all his fear and does the best he can without losing hope for a second, no matter how bad the outcome. The talisman in his ability to manage this life energy and the most stressful and feared processes in the most effective way is actually his power to act despite the mad fear inside him. Courage is the strength to act in spite of fear. My father is a brave man despite his life anxieties, and that’s how everyone knew him.
Even if you feel a little depressed and powerless from time to time when you start to take responsibility for your life and get rid of the victimization, this is an indication that you are on the right track. Your mind and spirit are at work on your behalf to provide the time you need and the motivation for your change. Even if you are not aware of it…