social phobia; It is the person’s desire to express himself, but the social environment in which he can do this, the situations in which he will perform, and the avoidance behavior of avoiding the step of initiating the relationship. These avoidance behaviors occur due to automatic false thoughts and bodily sensations. To this situation; We can say that these are moments of tension and anxiety that reduce self-confidence, impair the quality of life.
A person’s first encounter with social phobia starts with the difficulties of performing a question directed to him for the first time in the primary school years. The community, which he tried to make himself heard before, consisted of people who took care of his close environment and being unique. But the new community appears to be filled with rivals who seem more critical and ruthless. As such, if he cannot overcome the first moment of breaking with his social support, new events knit his web of memories and this situation manifests itself by avoiding all kinds of behavior that he will show socially.
Well, if we say what is the emotion that caused this first breaking moment; We can say that the feeling of shame is the foremost. The thoughts that feed the feeling of shame are basic false beliefs such as “I am inadequate”, “I am unsuccessful”, “I am worthless”.
If we count the bodily sensations in social phobia, we can list them as flushing, trembling, trembling, dry mouth, difficulty in swallowing, palpitations, numbness, and shortness of breath.
In social phobia, the concerns of our maximum effort towards how we will be evaluated by others result in avoidance of criticism.
If the critical inner voice always works negatively when meeting someone new, talking in front of a community, trying to establish a relationship with the opposite sex, entering an environment later on, or facing situations that need to have a dialogue in some way, it will always justify itself. That is, “I won’t be able to”, “I’ll look stupid”, “I’ll be wrong”, “I’ll be silly”, “I’ll look funny”, “I’ll freeze”, “I’ll be ostracized” etc.
In this case, after a while, self-confidence will decrease, so it will be very difficult to be invisible and unnoticed. Being ashamed of being ashamed will be such a strong emotion that it will be very difficult to inhibit our bodily sensations. This means the riveting of the vicious circle. In other words, we will have developed a phobia such as “my face will turn red”, “my voice will tremble”, “I will freeze”. Because we avert our eyes, we will make our whole body a target.
So is it us or others who are so cruel to ourselves? Maybe it was others who created the spark, but it was our wrong thoughts that fueled the fire. It is even being a prisoner of unrealistic thoughts, such as trying to catch a black cat that is not in a dark room.
People with social phobia view their own success as unimportant and the success of others as important. They find their own mistakes big and unacceptable, and others’ mistakes small and acceptable. In other words, they think, “If I can’t do everything very well, I can’t get myself accepted.”
When a teacher calls a student stupid or retarded because he doesn’t know the question, it doesn’t mean that the student is stupid, but it does show that the teacher did not have a good formation education. It doesn’t make us boring when we just meet someone and we can’t find something to talk about, but we may have little in common or not enough time to talk. So while there are many factors, social phobics always think that they have their own inadequacies. But maybe there weren’t people who had this idea, or there were a few people, but when a wrong inference is made, it turns into a generalization.