Self-sabotaging – why do we sabotage ourselves?

You may be sabotaging yourself while trying to achieve an important goal, such as developing healthy habits, completing tasks on time, saving money, losing weight, or building healthy relationships. There are many reasons why you might sabotage yourself. This can lead to feeling bad and expecting to fail. It can also cause you to resort to further sabotage to avoid facing failure, which continues the cycle.

So why do we sabotage ourselves?

1. Faulty thinking

The human brain tends to hold on to what it knows, overestimate risk, and avoid trying the new. intuitive familiarity This tendency, known as the stigma, can cause us to overestimate what we know and ignore what is unfamiliar. Especially when under stress intuitive familiarity We may tend to trust more. Even when considering a different option clearly offers an advantage, we can turn to what we know and know. When trying to make important decisions during times of stress, try to consider the pros and cons of each choice, rather than choosing what seems intuitively the best option. Get an opinion from an objective person.

2. Fear of intimacy or fear of rejection

Many of us know people who sabotage their relationships once they reach a certain level of intimacy, and perhaps you are one of those people. Some people, by starting a fight or trying to control the person they are close to because they are afraid of getting away, reveal all their insecurities towards the other person or create a very needy profile. They’re all unconscious ways that our brains use for fear of being trapped or rejected—if we get too close. Most of these patterns are based on the relationships we have with the people who care for us (mother, father, etc.) during childhood. if “your insecure attachment” (perhaps your parent was rejecting or neglecting you, critical or inconsistent), you may be unconsciously afraid of repeating the past. Our brains remember this pain and tend to pretend to be our parents in adult relationships or to match the behavior of those we meet with them. If your fear of intimacy or rejection is strong, remind yourself that you are now an adult and capable of tolerating stress and rejection. Try to be more conscious and try to notice the effects of your behavior patterns on your relationship happiness.

3. Procrastination and avoidance

The third way to self-sabotage is to delay dealing with problems until you are forced to cope, or to not discipline yourself to get the job done on time. There are several reasons for procrastination and avoidance behavior. You may never have learned the skills of dividing and planning your tasks into smaller chunks. Alternatively, you may feel overwhelmed by the enormity of the task or feel like someone who doesn’t have what it takes to succeed. This is mostly due to the negative cognitive structures that you have developed regarding yourself and success since childhood. Instilling a sense of value in your childhood based on your performance in certain tasks, such as academic success, may lead you to make an effort to show yourself more talented and smarter than you are in order to appear successful to your parents, to make them happy, to attract their attention, and to protect your self-worth. Over time, this tendency reveals self-handicapping behaviors.

Not starting, going out with friends instead of working, or self-sabotaging by watching TV is a very common pattern. In the short term, you manage to avoid the discomfort of an anxiety-provoking or tedious and reckless task. But in the long run, the things you put off may worry you more.

It is also a reason for procrastination and avoidance. perfectionismit could be , You think too much about things, do research and can’t decide where to start. To cope with all this, you can counteract it by limiting yourself to a choice or by making a choice, even if it is flawed. Try to view this as learning from your experiences and improving over time. So the possibility of failure in your mind can become less frightening.

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