There are some behaviors that we do not notice, no matter how obvious the name given to them, even if the behavior itself is obvious.
Self-handicapping is one of the most successful behavioral patterns in this regard.
There is a phrase I like to describe this behavior:
“One’s own againsttake action.”
The self-sabotaging person undermines the goals set, the effort expended or will be spent, and more importantly, sometimes personal values.
Although this behavior is quite destructive for the person, it can turn into a habit, an automatic behavior.
In doing so, the person convinces himself so strongly that reaching that goal loses all appeal.
Very easily walks away from a desired relationship; or he does not want something that is really desired.
But this behavior is sister to anxiety, anger, and worthlessness.
Here is the first question that comes to mind:
Why would one sabotage oneself when there are so many people around us who make us think we are worthless and make us feel anxiety and anger?
The first answer to this low self-worthI think it would be best to give
What perpetuates low self-worth is hidden in the negative words we constantly say to ourselves.
“You are not smart enough!
Your type is not attractive at all!
You don’t have the qualifications for this job!
You are not good enough!”
Such self-criticisms are reflected from the inner world of the person to his life.
Thus, the person does not take the necessary actions and achieves his goal by getting away from whatever he wants to achieve.
Please note that: How we talk to ourselves directly affects how we act.
Another source is perfectionismTruck.
The most observed behavior in perfectionists is self-sabotage.
And this delayshow through their behavior.
All-or-nothing thinking, which I mentioned in my previous articles, is sabotage in itself, and it is always followed by a delay, a renunciation.
It’s good to know that the consequences of self-sabotage It’s not just about ourselves.
This behavior social and romantic relationships that do not deepencan lead to set up.
When we are invited to a social activity:
“ It’s better if I don’t go. I’m not a fun person. I have nothing attractive. What am I going to do?”As we approach, we decide not to participate in the activity.
When someone says they like us:
“ What do I have to love? I have nothing attractive. I can not believe this!‘ and we cross it out.
That is, self-handicapping leads to an avoidance behavior.
Remember, avoidance perpetuates emotions.
As I mentioned at the beginning, if these are quite automatic, spontaneous reactions, you can start by noticing them.
Awareness, on the other hand, requires producing new evaluations and making observations with alternative new behaviors.
An alternative first behavior for self-handicapping might be self-kindness and self-compassion.
Source : Dokuzsutun