Self-confidence concept is that the child develops positive feelings towards himself. In other words, the concept of self-confidence is a broad concept related to situations such as the individual’s self-love, being aware of what he can and cannot do, being at peace with himself, accepting himself as he is, and knowing himself well.
One of the child’s psychosocial developmental stages “basic confidence” This period, which is shown as the period in which it occurs, starts with birth and continues until the age of one. Consistent, sufficient and continuous love and attention given during this period plays an important role in the formation of self-confidence. It is especially important for the baby to trust his mother or caregiver. The baby trusts his mother as he provides for her needs. If the mother is sufficiently interested in the needs of the baby, this situation; creates a feeling of “I am safe and I am valuable” by the baby. As we mentioned above, the feeling of trust is a stage that begins in infancy.
What are the signs of a lack of self-confidence?
Being dependent on parents
• Shyness and introversion
• Being reluctant to engage in new activities
• Having trouble mingling with other children
• Behaving shyly when faced with new situations, having difficulty in adapting
• Getting into the habit of looking down on yourself
• Having intense fears other than periodic and usual childhood fears
• Cannot protect their rights and defend themselves in situations where they are expected to protect their rights.
• Being shy and afraid of their parents despite being addicted
• Behavior that is hesitant
The right approach in the development of self-confidence in children
Every parent wants to do the best for their child, but some attitudes can cause negative perceptions in the child. For example, if you say to your child, “You can eat your own food”, you should not intervene immediately when you spill it on yourself, “the whole meal is still not finished or you will eat the food like this, don’t drink water first, finish this now, you haven’t eaten any vegetables.” if the child is put in the mouth or tried to feed: The message the child receives in this process; “I can’t handle eating on my own. Unfortunately, the message that I am inadequate, incompetent, I cannot do a job on my own is given to the child.
The second most common situation is when the child is wearing clothes. When complaining that your child cannot do personal chores on his own, first ask yourself if he has been given the opportunity to change his clothes. Let him wear his coat or shoes himself. Of course, although he cannot do it perfectly and completely like us, it will be beneficial for you to give him the opportunity to do it. Remember that raising a child takes patience and effort.
Considering the age period of our child, we should provide opportunities and support them in the work that they can do. When our child completes a task, we should support him/her to be able to do it and show the necessary patience and care.
As another example, a toddler often wants to take a step on his own or even run around in the future. If the parents constantly hold his hand and do not allow him to walk by the cat, it will reinforce the child’s sense of inadequacy. Of course, there is a possibility that the child may fall as a result of walking on a floor, but the most that can happen; There may be minor scratches. Allowing him to walk in an area with stairs can have dangerous consequences, such as head injury. The important thing here is to support it by considering the risks.
At home, the child should be provided with a positive home life in which boundaries are clear and love is clearly expressed. The foundation of both academic and personal self-confidence is formed for the child who grows up in such an environment. Even if the child’s work has not been successful, his efforts should be appreciated. Encouraging a child’s parents with words such as “I am proud of you trying to learn”, “I see that you did your best for this job” will motivate the child to put in more effort, develop his fighting strength and help him build a positive sense of self.
What causes the self-confidence problem?
If one or both parents are over-expecting, overprotective and inhibiting independence, the child’s feelings and judgments about himself; he is incapable, incompetent, and worthless.
Parents think that they are doing them a favor when they show an overprotective attitude towards the child’s work, but in summary, those who do everything themselves so that the child does not have difficulties, are dependent on the parents as a result of the over-interventionist parental attitude, have no problem solving skills, do not know what to do in the face of problems and feel like a fish out of water. Children who have not developed self-confidence are brought up.
Children who do not gain a sense of self-confidenceIn later life, it manifests itself as passive, submissive in the face of events, over-adapting to be accepted in the environment, loneliness, sensitivity to criticism, insecurity, feeling of inferiority, feeling unloved and inadequacy.
How should we behave for the development of self-confidence?
If you want your child to develop self-confidence, you need to have a realistic perspective about your child’s competence. Every child is special to himself.
It is necessary to encourage and support the things that your child can or can do rather than what they cannot do. Also, do not keep your expectations from your child above his/her development level. Set goals they can reach and support them in achieving those goals. Give them small responsibilities at home that they can do.
Most importantly, make him feel how valuable and special he is to you, of course I’m not talking about pampering him and unnecessarily flattering him, but make him feel that you are with him in all his successes and failures, and that you trust him that you will be.
Pay attention to your child’s feelings and thoughts. For example, when someone wants to talk to him/her, don’t give directions like ‘tell me your name, son/daughter’ when asked for his name. Respect him when he doesn’t want to talk. If she goes to school or goes anywhere, ask if there are things that make her happy or sad during the day. Make him feel that you care.
Some self-harming sentences that should not be said to children
Do a job properly; The message given here is that you cannot do anything, you are incompetent. In this case, the child cannot be an entrepreneur and acts shy about the things he will do.
I wish I never gave birth to you ;Such words may cause the child to perceive himself as an unloved and unwanted individual.
Act a bit like your brother/sister/ they don’t make me sad at all. Comparing gives the child a sense of worthlessness and unloved.
You could do better; Recognizing children’s efforts is extremely important here. Being results-oriented only increases the anxiety and feelings of inadequacy on the child.
Support your child’s good and right behaviors, even if they are small, and make him feel how important it is.
I wish you and your child a togetherness with lots of love and hugs.