Secure Attachment

Bowlby defined attachment behavior as an individual’s desire to associate with a figure or seek closeness when he or she is afraid. Attachment behavior, the basis of which is formed in infancy, is also effective on attachment behavior in adulthood.

From the moment of birth, the baby is usually in contact with the mother first. The mother cares for the baby physically, and most importantly, gives emotional care. Emotional care is in the form of love, physical contact between mother and child.

Especially until the baby is 1 year old, he needs the care of an adult. We are all aware of this. Therefore, we know that the baby needs a caregiver. Usually the mother is the caregiver. However, sometimes there may be a different person (such as father, grandmother, caregiver) due to circumstances. What is important here is that the physical and emotional needs of the baby are met regularly by the same person and persons.

If the need for trust and autonomy is adequately met between the mother and the baby since the birth of the baby, a secure attachment is formed between them. The securely attached child perceives himself as valuable and lovable in the future.

On the other hand, if parents often ignore their children’s need for security and autonomy and are cold and distant towards the child, avoidant attachment is in question. The avoidant attachment child does not seem to be bothered by his mother’s departure, and when the mother returns, he avoids being close, appears calm or uninterested. They do not need physical contact or relaxation.

In addition, if parents are inconsistent and indifferent to their children’s needs, anxious attachment occurs in the child. An anxiously attached child may experience intense feelings of anxiety and anger when separated from their mother. She cries when her mother leaves, and rejoices when her mother returns. However, she suddenly starts to appear angry and shows protest behaviors (continuing to be angry when her mother tries to calm her down, crying, etc.).

The child with an attachment style establishes relationships accordingly and exhibits similar attachment behaviors in the future. For this reason, the physical and emotional needs of children, especially between the ages of 0-2, should be met regularly, and the message should be given that the child is there no matter what their needs are. However, it should not be understood that their needs will be met immediately and always. The important thing is to really listen and understand the child. Most importantly, loving your child and knowing that the child is loved is important in the formation of a secure attachment.

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