Romantic Relationship Problems: Psychological Violence

In this article, one of the romantic relationship problems, to psychological violence I wanted to place. Because unlike physical and sexual violence, it is very difficult to prove its existence when it comes to psychological violence. It is possible to miss it because there are no concrete evidences or open wounds. In addition, it is a difficult process for a person to realize that he has been exposed to psychological violence by his partner and to get rid of this violence.

Are you often made to feel inadequate? Are the values ​​you care about not respected? Are you restricted from expressing your feelings and thoughts? If your answer to these questions is yes, you may be exposed to psychological violence. In fact, there are many forms of discourse and behavior by which we can recognize psychological violence. Before I talk about these signs, I want to tell you a story.

Ayşe has been feeling very upset that she has not been able to express herself in her relationship lately. She often finds herself trying to convince Ahmet that she doesn’t love or think about anyone else. In order to convince Ahmet, she shares screenshots of social media and phone calls and allows him to enter her personal accounts. Since the beginning of the relationship, Ayşe had to report wherever she went, where and with whom. Feeling trapped now, Ayşe decided to talk to Ahmet.

He mentioned that it was not right for him to interfere in his life so much, that he was an individual other than being Ahmet’s lover, that he wanted to spend time freely with his friends, that his mind was stuck on Ahmet’s reactions when he was elsewhere and that he did not feel peaceful. Hoping that Ahmet would understand him, “I’m bored with you, I want to talk to other men, you say that!” she witnessed him yell. If Ayşe loved Ahmet, she had to keep up with the world and the rules that Ahmet knew. Besides, she shouldn’t have bothered him with such nonsense because she was nervous because of her job. This conversation ended with Ahmet’s words: If you continue to bore me so much and overwhelm me with your questions, I will walk away from you. As a result, if he didn’t tidy himself up, he would lose Ahmet’s love and be responsible for what Ahmet would do.

Investigation of the people with whom the person has met or messaged, checking their personal accounts, asking for pictures of their whereabouts are among the violations of privacy. In addition to jealousy-based psychological violence, we can reach many different stories by changing the location of the actors or making minor changes in the scenario. Although the first thing that comes to mind is that women are exposed to this violence, we can say that men are also exposed to emotional manipulations. Although the stories vary, the underlying feeling of such relationship patterns is the same: Fear. Fear of being abandoned, being alone, and being exposed. These feelings are caused by the partner’s use of emotional power. Mostly, the state of shouting, swearing and humiliating acts to exert pressure and to exert pressure attracts attention. On the other hand, blackmail and threats, which we frequently encounter these days, are among these behaviors. Shared in private time between two people ( like a memory, a photograph, a confession ) and the message is given that love will be safe if certain conditions are met. The person has no control over their relationship or their own life.

Psychological violence takes shape in words and attitudes with the expectation of obedience. There can be many reasons for giving in to the partner’s expectation of obedience. For example, if there is fear of family and society, ways to get rid of unhealthy relationships are often sought alone. Or they try to adapt to expectations due to lack of self-confidence, lack of self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness and fear. We can also see that people who insist on staying in such relationships have a dependent personality pattern. They cannot see that they are involved in pathological relationship patterns. They may continue to stay in unhealthy relationships because of their need to be loved and their fear of losing their partner. In this situation, they are stuck between feelings of helplessness and loneliness.

Of course, there must be mutual sacrifices in the relationship process. But the rate of these sacrifices and by whom they are determined is very important. In unity, individuals need to protect their space and boundaries no matter what. As predicted, an individual who cannot live his/her self will not be able to assimilate being a couple. Although we see our partners as our supporters in good and bad times, we need to keep in mind that no one is responsible for us and that we are as valuable as anyone else. We need to be able to live all our roles, without forgetting that we have many roles such as women, men, friends, children, unlike our role in our relationship. Otherwise, we feel that our oxygen in the relationship is depleted.

Another dimension related to psychological violence guilt is the feeling. Your partner’s attitudes and words may make you feel guilty for disagreements, separations and cheating in the relationship. In such an atmosphere, when you are emotionally neglected or exposed to the anger of your partner, your fault you hear it. If your sense of guilt is used, you are responsible for the negativities in the relationship. Because excessive criticism, threats, humiliation, indifference, control, and lies. You may be folding. In other words, you may be subject to psychological violence to avoid being responsible for losing and hurting your partner, to get rid of the guilt that keeps you up at night.

  • Being threatened that you will experience physical violence

  • Putting obstacles in front of you in areas where you can be successful

  • Feeling pressure to do things you don’t want to do

  • Feeling like you are being treated unfairly

  • Feeling spiritually worn out

  • Denial of your statements and being made a liar

  • to be slandered

  • Exposure to insulting gestures and facial expressions

  • Imitating your behavior

  • Talking in an angry tone

  • interruption of your word

  • Being ridiculed in social situations

Your partner’s irritable temperament, family and work problems are not sufficient to explain the above-mentioned attitudes and behaviors. When your boundaries and spaces are violated, it won’t hurt to review the signs of mobbing. Say what?

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