Romantic Relationship Issues: Sexuality

Sexuality It’s one of our main drives. It is also an indispensable part of romantic relationships. However, as a result of observing sexuality as a taboo and condemning efforts to recognize one’s own body, feelings of guilt, sinfulness and shame can be identified with sexuality.

This being the case, we can see that couples keep such problems as vaginismus and premature ejaculation, which are very common in society, a secret for years. Behind this shyness are often false ideas that the problem is unsolvable or natural. Although the number of those who apply to sexual therapies increases day by day, unfortunately, the application is still less than the frequency of the problem. In fact, the problems experienced are those that many couples experience and that can be solved quite easily with structured sexual therapy sessions.

“What is sexuality?”Many answers to the question ( such as obligation, need, action, duty, pleasure, trauma. ) we can get. In fact, the correct definition of sexuality is the physical and emotional opening up of oneself to oneself and another. Sometimes, the way we misidentify sexuality or our chronic negative feelings about sexuality can be the causes of sexual dysfunctions. Similarly, chronic negative feelings towards the partner are one of the main causes of sexual dysfunctions.

There are very few people who state that they are unhappy in their relationship because of the problems experienced in sexual intercourse. However, sexuality is an important variable when it comes to people and romantic relationships. For example, among the most common causes of female orgasmic disorder are incompatibility and conflict between spouses. Or, in other words, a woman who has orgasm problems is more likely to experience relationship problems and various psychiatric illnesses. Because orgasm or sexual life is important in terms of life satisfaction. It is a natural result that sexual problems affect relationship satisfaction and quality of life. In other words, sexual problems are always reflected in the relationship, and relationship problems are always reflected in sexuality.

sexual dysfunctions are very common problems in society. It is even more common in societies where sexuality is forbidden, it is shameful to talk about it, and there is a lack of sexual knowledge. Studies show that one out of every three people, regardless of male or female, has experienced at least one sexual dysfunction at some point in their lives. To give a specific example, we can say that one out of every 4-5 men has premature ejaculation problem. The problem you are experiencing may have many organic origins (such as prostate, thyroid, chronic diseases, side effects of drugs) and psychogenic causes (such as chronic negative emotions, performance anxiety, sexual myths, traumas) are also quite numerous. In addition, even if the problem is of organic origin, the repeated failure of sexual intercourse after a while can complicate the process that the person feels and thinks within the framework of the problem.

sexual myths, These are patterns that are settled in our thought system that many of us are not aware of. These dysfunctional thought patterns greatly affect our expectations of sexual intercourse, our behaviors, and our sexual problems. Let’s try to understand the problem of sexual reluctance in women by looking at them within the framework of sexual myths. “ It is shameful for a woman to show her sexual desire and initiate sexual intercourse.”, “ A woman should not say no to making love.”, “ Sex is for the pleasure of men more than women.When we consider the myths of ”, we can say that sexuality is seen more as a need or a right that men should initiate and enjoy.

At this point, sexuality begins to represent the fulfillment of her partner for the woman, her duty in the relationship for family peace and the continuation of the generation. As a matter of fact, the absence of a means of pleasure and satisfaction is considered normal in the process. In fact, sexuality is a means of need, pleasure and satisfaction for both men and women. Many women who experience sexual reluctance or orgasm disorder perceive this situation as natural and fateful, and applications for treatment remain low for this reason.

In sexual dysfunctions lack of education also emerges as an important factor. The fact that couples do not know their anatomical and psychological differences can sometimes be the starting point of the problem on its own. Or, lack of sexual knowledge may lead to the perception of ideal sexual intercourse, exaggerated performance expectations about what to experience and what needs to be done. When expectations are not met, erectile dysfunction (erectile dysfunction) and sexual desire disorders may occur.

For this reason, sexual education should be widespread and couples should have knowledge of sexual anatomy and physiology. For example, one of the unknowns about sex life is the sexual response cycle. The physiological response to sexual stimulus in humans is divided into four phases. These phases arousal, plateau, orgasm and resolution can be listed as. Knowing the sexual response cycle is helpful in framing the problem. In this way, the person can see more clearly in which stage he is having trouble. Similarly, sometimes knowing the differences in male-female anatomy and sexuality, recognizing erogenous zones can keep the feelings of anxiety, shame and inadequacy away from sexual intercourse as it changes our perspective on sexuality.

sex therapysexual dysfunctions experienced by individuals ( such as low sexual desire, vaginismus, erectile dysfunction (erectile dysfunction) and premature ejaculation. ) is a type of therapy that examines the underlying causes and aims to solve the problems within the framework of the reasons. The path to be followed for all dysfunctions in the therapy process is planned and structured. The reason for this is that the techniques used are standardized and their validity has been proven.

During the therapy, exercises, techniques and homework that the couples will do in their own privacy are used. However, there is no practice or contact in the sessions. Although certain techniques are used in sexual therapy, I would like to emphasize that sexual therapy does not contain pill information. Many reasons such as sexual myths, growing up in a conservative family, insufficient sexual experience, relationship problems, traumatic sexual experiences, depression and other psychiatric disorders, exaggerated performance expectations, pregnancy and childbirth may have shaped your problem. Therefore, each couple’s treatment process is unique. Since the cause and process of the problem is unique, it is important to be able to address the problem holistically within the framework of relationship, sexual and individual life.

When it comes to sexuality and sexual problems, the general tendency is to remain silent. Should I go to a therapist for sex? Yes, you can go to a therapist for problems in your sexual life. For example, the only permanent treatment for premature ejaculation is to teach ejaculation control with sexual therapy. Because this problem is caused by panic, anxiety and lack of control rather than being an anatomical problem. Therefore, medical or alternative treatments (such as going to pilgrims, drinking alcohol) are not permanent and effective. The important thing is that you have the will and effort to improve as a couple, that you understand the meaning and steps of sexual therapy, and that you make homework and exercises your priority. Another point is that your therapist has sufficient training and practice in this area. When all conditions are met by the couple and the therapist, there will be no obstacle to resolving the problem.

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