Raising Twins

What are the difficulties experienced by twin mothers?

The news of pregnancy is greeted with joy by all family members, especially when it is a desired and expected situation. The news of multiple pregnancy, which occurs both naturally and as a result of treatment, brings anxiety as well as joy.

The thought of caring for two babies at the same time can often be worrisome. It is difficult for a mother to raise two babies who need nutrition, care, love and protection at the same time. That’s why it’s important to have a support that you can rely on.

This support can be from family members or from outside. The active support of the father in the care of twin babies both strengthens the father-child relationship and reduces the burden of the mother.

Should working twin mothers take a break from work?

A woman with an active working life taking a break from her job due to pregnancy and childbirth and returning to work afterward depends on physical, emotional and economic factors. If a woman is satisfied with her working life and feels unhappy and useless when she stays at home, these feelings reflect negatively on her daily life, her relationships with her husband and children. In this case, the mother can return to working life by leaving the children to a trusted person.

In cases where economic support is required, the mother involuntarily returns to work. However, if there is no economic problem, if the mother wants to stay at home instead of working, and take care of the babies instead of someone else, she can take a break from work until she feels ready.

How does dressing in the same clothes and sending them to the same school affect children and what would you recommend to families?

We often see twins outside wearing the same outfit. Although this adds a cute look, children should not be dressed the same in terms of their individuality and emotional development. Sometimes children may want to dress the same. In this case, instead of dressing exactly the same, they can be guided to dress similarly.

For example, they can be directed to wear different colors of the same dress or the same T-shirt with a car on one and a motor on the other. This orientation is necessary both to distinguish twins from each other and to show them that they are different individuals.

School is one of the most difficult issues for twin parents. Questions such as whether they should be in the same class or whether it would be better if they were in different classes are frequently asked questions. Considering the physical conditions of the schools in the preschool period, twins are necessarily in the same class because there are usually no two different classes for children in the same age group.

At first, the two brothers always wanted to sit and play with each other, but over time they separated and started playing with different people. In school age, it is more appropriate to send two children to the same school, since it will force parents in daily life to go to different schools.

Here, it is necessary to decide whether the twins will be in the same class or in a different class according to the personality and developmental characteristics of the children. If one of the twins is more dominant over the other or is overprotective of the twin, it is beneficial for the twins to be in different classes in terms of the other child’s personality development. However, both children can live their own individuality, if one does not get ahead of the other, there is no harm in being in the same class.

How should a mother spend time with her twins?

It should not be forgotten that both children need to be alone with their mother and to receive attention and love. In addition to spending time together, try to spend time with children separately. Sometimes one of the twins can spend more time with the father and the other with the mother, and it is stated that this is the children’s choice. However, this situation should not be left to their choice, parents should be able to spend time with both children separately.

What should be considered so that the twins do not envy each other?

Jealousy and conflicts occur between twins as well as between siblings. In order to understand what they cannot share and to see how they reach a solution, it is necessary to be an observer rather than interrupting. An approach such as buying two of the same clothes, goods or toys is not suitable for the development of the sense of sharing.

Apart from that, not comparing children with each other, setting the same rules for both children, exhibiting the same attitudes, not being more protective towards one another is one of the points to be considered.

Recommendations for the family for the individuation of twins

It has to be accepted that being twins is not the same person. Although individuation begins at the age of 3, it would be appropriate to think of both as separate individuals from infancy and to behave in that way.

Instead of talking about children as “twins”, it will be beneficial for both children’s personality development to say their names, to dress them in different clothes, to have expectations and behave in accordance with their personality and developmental characteristics, and not to think of them as a single person.

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