Considering that a happy and healthy child can only grow up in a peaceful family environment, it is useful to dwell on how to establish a peaceful home first. For this, the couple who decides to get married must first of all be fully aware of their expectations from themselves and from the opposite sex, and be ready to bear all kinds of material and moral responsibilities of the marriage institution. It is essential that they know and accept each other very well, and that they love and respect each other.
It is of great importance that the respect and love continue during the marriage, and that the spouses fully fulfill their responsibilities towards each other. The fact that the couple equally shares the workload that needs to be carried out in relation to the house feeds the communication within the family environment in a positive way.
Since having a child will increase the responsibilities even more, it will be very beneficial for the couple to decide to have a child after first reviewing whether they can fulfill the above-mentioned issues during the marriage.
In a peaceful and happy marriage, having a child in line with the wishes of both of the couple is the most basic element of raising a happy and peaceful child. The second basic feature that should come after is to ensure that the mother has a comfortable pregnancy process. According to scientific data, mother’s stress or happiness affects the baby from the very first days of pregnancy. All kinds of troubles to be experienced in the family during this period negatively affect the mental health of the mother and therefore the baby. The reverse is also true. During this period, the mother’s being peaceful, happy with her husband, and engaging in relaxing activities make the baby peaceful while still in the mother’s womb.
After a problem-free birth, it is very important for the baby to contact his parents as soon as possible. It is very important for the mother to breastfeed the child immediately, both for the development of the baby’s immune system and for the establishment of the mother-child relationship as soon as possible.
It is essential that the mother and father fully meet the baby’s basic care needs (nutrition, sleep, shelter, health, education, emotional needs) with an equal distribution of roles, and show him affection and love.
It is very important for the mental health of the baby that the baby perceives their affectionate and supportive, reassuring gestures by establishing eye contact with the “mirror technique”, that they talk to him, that both parents are peaceful in the family environment.
After the child’s walking, speaking, using social gestures and mimics are in order, the toilet training phase comes. In this period, too, it is most appropriate not to argue with the child, not to be coercive, to direct his attention to other things, to display an attitude that supports the child’s skills with a sweet-hard and determined authority.
It should not be forgotten that the child, who has gained his autonomy between the ages of 2-3, is in the period of “physiological stubbornness”. The parental attitude that does not become stubborn with the child, warns the negative behavior and cuts off interest and support if he insists, and rewards it by increasing support when he behaves correctly will be very beneficial. Attempts to persuade through logic are useless. Children aged 2-6 cannot comprehend long explanations. Therefore, if the rewarding supportive approach (saying “well done” etc.) or the continuation of the undesirable behavior, the disinterest and ignoring attitude will be much more effective on the children. The child, whose conscientious development begins at the age of 3, should be taught about social rights and wrongs in this way.
3 years is the age when the child can now play. From this age on, the fact that the parents play a lot of creative games with the child increases the child’s learning.
After this period, girls identify with their mother and boys identify with their father, and aim to become a successful father like them or a good, beautiful and hardworking mother in the future. If one of the parents is not present in the child’s life at this age, the establishment of the necessary identification model will be incomplete. For this reason, it is very important for the mental health of the child that both the mother and the father experience a quality sharing with their child at this age.
The age of 4-6 is a process in which the child is prepared for primary education by attending kindergarten or kindergarten, as well as being educated in the family. At this age, the meaning and importance of school and having a profession should be especially emphasized in the family.
After the age of 6, that is, starting primary education; It is a very important process for the child to get used to school life, to assume academic responsibility, to establish peer relations and to socialize. In this period, the parents’ equal interest in the child’s lessons and communication with the teachers and administrators facilitate the child’s academic adaptation. It is important to reward the child’s success verbally and to ensure that he works in areas where he fails, without being humiliated or angry. Not comparing their abilities and behaviors with other children, warning their wrong behaviors and supporting the right ones are the most appropriate parental attitudes.
Although the family contributes as much as the school to the responsibility of studying, it is very important that the child is not seen as a race horse and that the high school and university entrance exams are not reflected as the only purpose of life. It should be emphasized within the family that social clubs, sports, art and music activities and social relations are as important as academic success.
In order to reveal the talents of the child, it is appropriate to include activities that will pave the way in the fields of sports, music and art from a very young age, to support the areas of his talent and interest, but never to be forced in this regard. Parents are required to encourage the child in their high school and university choices in ways that match their genuine capacity and interest. It should always be kept in mind that the individuals who will start their careers are not themselves but their children, so their happiness is at the forefront.
It is best to approach adolescents with a sweet, firm and loving authority. It is much more effective to approach young people at this age in a way that persuades them rather than directing them. Young people at this age should be cautious about cigarette, alcohol or drug abuse, and emotional communication with them should never be neglected. Teenagers should be able to talk to their parents about their friendships with the opposite sex and seek appropriate guidance from them.
In order to raise happy and healthy children, the indispensable rules in the family are as follows:
—Creating a pleasant family communication and environment based on mutual love and respect, first of all the parents themselves to set such a model for their children;
—No room for loud discussion and physical violence;
—There should be a rational and reasonable distribution of roles between parents in undertaking all kinds of responsibilities related to children. Taking on all sorts of responsibilities by a single parent leads to exhaustion over time.
—The solution of all kinds of problems within the family with a quality communication and sharing will constitute a good model for children in terms of coping strategies.
—Children should be supported in all matters, and all opportunities should be offered to them in line with their interests and abilities, but they should never be overly intrusive and directive about their choices.
—Study studies should be encouraged, but never excessive pressure on success, and children should not be compared with other peers in this respect. In addition, comparisons should not be made with his own sibling or siblings.
—There is no place for physical violence or loud scolding in a child’s upbringing. Rather than punishing the wrong behaviors, it is most appropriate to warn the child through speech and explain the appropriate behavior, to give him another chance to correct his behavior, and to appreciate his success if he acts right. In punishment, depriving the child of something they love or an activity they enjoy is most effective.
—It is very important not to constantly warn children and not to say something over and over. If the child does not do what he is told, it is much more effective to encourage him to do it again after a while, if he is young, and to persuade the older children to do what is asked, rather than to be persistent.
—It is much more appropriate to appreciate and reward children spiritually rather than financially.
—In order to have information about the child’s life at school or his private life, it is most appropriate to learn this information in conversation by displaying a friendly parental attitude rather than being overly questioning and to give the necessary guidance in this regard.
—It is extremely important for the mental health of the child to follow the mental development and problems of the child closely and to get help from a specialist if there is a problem.
As you can see, raising happy and healthy children is an art. For this, the mental health of the parents should also be in place, and there should be a communication based on love and respect between them.
Hoping to live in a society consisting of peaceful and happy families, where all these conditions can be met in order to raise children in the most correct way….