raising eyebrows

Everyone is confused, everyone is very curious about the answer: Is there a correct answer, is there a certain measure, what am I missing, etc. Everyone is chasing this question. Especially parents are very curious about the answer to this question. Everyone is desperate so that we can be saved even if someone finds it… I think if it is found, a beautiful world, good people, less war, less evil is waiting for us. Will it be found? There’s a lot of thought and a lot of thought and response. But what is the correct answer?

-The question of the answer we seek is not the formula of immortality or infinite resources! The answer we are looking for is how to raise the right and desired child or how to have the features I want. Is there a formula for this?

There is no single right answer for the right child or what the desired child will be. There is no formula. There are obvious errors rather than lines or formulas.

Today we will talk about one of these mistakes.

Research, observations and experiences of experts working in the field and close to child-family relations offer us the following result: most parents think that their child should be better, that he should improve himself more, and that there are still skills and characteristics that he needs to gain. He also makes them feel as a pressure on their children without leaving them in thought. He makes children feel the pressure in a concrete way with statements such as “You have to be better, your peers are better than you, look what your uncle/aunt X’s child has done, what would I do if I were in your place and I had these opportunities, etc.” Pressure on children, in other words, is verbal violence against children.

Parents also have a thought about this issue: “I’m doing it for her sake, I want her to have a life like mine, on the other hand, if I do nothing, wouldn’t I be an uninterested parent?”

Of course, it is true that the warnings, advice and rules created are for his own good and to have a good future. However, the more important it is for what the behavior is done, the more important is how and how the behavior is performed/performed.

Even if the message is conveyed for a very good purpose, it may cause undesirable results depending on the situation, emotion of the receiver or how he/she understands/perceives that message.

You may unwittingly impose schemas of inadequacy, failure, and worthlessness on your child. The kindness(!) you have done to your child can (could) mean something like “I am inadequate, my parents find me unsuccessful, I am worthless in their eyes”.

Another idea that parents aim at is to increase their child’s motivation. In the thoughts of the parents; The comparison and comparison made to the child will activate him and make him work harder. However, this attitude is very sensitive and can lead to different results.

These behaviors and discourses will create “inadequacy, failure, worthlessness” schemes in the child instead of the motivation that is thought to increase in the child.

What should parents do at this point and how should they behave?

-Do not compare your child with others, siblings, friends,

– Appreciate and support them for their current achievements,

-Make positive sentences, stay away from accusatory statements,

-The language you use against him is very important; make sentences not with you language, but with me language,

-Show him that you love and value him, not with material things, but with loving sentences and behaviors.

Behaviors made so that “my child will not suffer the same difficulties as I did and have a life full of difficulties like me” can open the door to a more difficult life for your child. And parents open this door without realizing it.

Let’s not make eyes when making eyebrows.

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