Psychotherapy process information guide for families seeking support for Behavioral Disorders.

Families who cannot cope with some behaviors of their children see psychotherapy as their last hope. It is very important to be informed about the expectations of the families from the therapy process before starting this process. Many families have made mistakes that may lead to negativity in their child’s behavior without being aware of it in the long term, and their expectation from psychotherapy is that they see sudden changes in their child’s behavior without effort. However, the first golden rule of working with children is that the change begins with the family after the psychotherapy hour is over. No parent will consciously, knowingly or willingly exhibit behaviors that will disrupt their child’s behavior and psychology. In general, they think that they are very good parents because they make too many sacrifices, because they give their children the luxury they want to do or not. If we evaluate the intrinsic motivation and look at the situation from their point of view, we will see that they are 100% right. However, child upbringing is based on a completely different philosophy. In general, families can cause negative changes in their children’s behavior with the motivation to do good to their children. When working with children, I am in favor of investigating family dynamics, motivations, and upbringing first. As far as I have observed, Turkish society generally does not take kindly to this approach because they care more about their children than themselves, and they believe that the problem is not related to them. As stated above, the first golden rule of psychotherapy is that the family adapts to certain changes and exhibits consistency in the therapy during the psychotherapy process, sets clear boundaries and is open to the use of certain tactics. 50 minutes one day a week is not a sufficient process to change stereotyped behaviors for many years.

In the psychotherapy room, although the therapists try to change behavior and teach on the spot, the solution point of the problems starts with the family and ends with the family.

If you as a parent do not want to change anything in your life, if you cannot support the therapy process, if you believe that behaviors that have been negatively reinforced for years can be resolved with a psychologist in a few sessions without your help, it is close to impossible to get full efficiency from the therapy process.

6 Golden Rules of Child Dressing

  1. The family needs to be consistent – The first golden rule of child upbringing is consistency of parents. Consistency of behavior with what is spoken is very important. If you say ‘my son (daughter) you should do this and that’ and behave differently when training your child, be sure that your child will repeat what you do, not what you say. Or, from the moment you say ‘this is how it should be done’, it is very important to be consistent and discipline your child to do it that way. The child needs to be sure that you will not deviate from this rule or make concessions depending on the situation. For example, ‘my mom expects me to be sitting at the table at dinner time, if I don’t she won’t let me watch her cartoons after dinner’ The child must be absolutely sure of this situation. While it may seem too strict, research shows that inconsistency leads to negative consequences for the child. Children of families with inconsistent discipline may be more insecure and confused than those with consistent discipline. For example, my mother sometimes lets me eat chocolate, but sometimes she doesn’t. Maybe if I cry, if I make a fuss, he’ll let me. Maybe he doesn’t and he gets very angry.However, if the child is absolutely sure that chocolate will not be eaten, he will act more confidently and consistently.

  2. Family needs to set clear boundaries – setting borders is a line that changes from country to country, culture to culture, family to family. Children, in fact, learn whether or not they will cross the red line with our life philosophies. It is very important that you have consistent boundaries as a family and that you instill this in your child with love and compassion. In this process, the family is expected to draw certain boundaries by cooperating with their child in a clear, specific, clear, concise and concise manner. For this, a contract consisting of rules can be made and mutually signed. The child should clearly understand what consequences he will face if he violates those boundaries, and he should be rewarded-appreciated appropriately as long as he can follow the rules (for example: well done boy, yesterday he changed his behavior perfectly and obeyed the rules ), but while doing this, we should not attach the label ‘you are a good boy’ or ‘you are a bad boy’ to the child as a result of positive or negative behaviors. One of the biggest mistakes made here is that one parent takes on the role of the good cop and the other as the bad cop. Both the mother and the father should be the ones who jointly set the consistent and clear lines in the upbringing of the child.

  3. Make time for your child – Working parents today naturally cannot spare much time for their children. While families in Europe can devote an average of 7 hours a day to their children, this process takes an average of 3 hours in Turkey. While we have so many time constraints, the most important thing to do here will be to increase the quality of the time allocated to the child. The most important point is how much quality time one spends with their child, rather than how much time one spends with their child. It may be an option to prefer environments without telephone, TV and internet when you will spare your child’s time. Talking to him, playing with him, making him feel your love, answering his questions and relieving his worries will be one of the greatest favors you can do for him. It is up to you to spend the average 3 hours you can spare to the fullest. Instead of spending these hours in shopping malls, toy shops and cafes to ease your conscience, it may be logical to choose more natural environments, places where you can listen to each other and spend quality time. They should create daily activities with the child by separating them from family time, and these activities should be something that the child likes and that the parents approve of.

  4. The principle of ‘Rewards’ for good behavior – I recommend that parents observe their children’s behavior, and it is important not to confuse this with detective work. Although the child usually makes an effort to win the family’s favor and to be appreciated, they are not seen much by the families. In fact, reinforcing the positive behavior of the family by using the ‘Reward’ principle for ‘correct’ behavior like a detector will improve the infrastructure of your child’s stereotyping as you wish. As the child is approved by his environment, he will continue to maintain the behaviors that you find positive.

  5. Rules for ‘wrong’ behavior – there is no concept of wrong or right in children’s behavior. We determine the wrong behavior and the right behavior. For example, consider a child picking his nose and a child masturbating. Would the response to the first be the same as the response to the second? Most likely not. For the child, both are part of his body and the child recognizes that certain parts are inviolable, their ‘shame’, their not and p. He learns from the reactions around him. Think of the family that beats, scolds, punishes, shouts, and shouts at their child for masturbating, explains the situation to the father in the evening when the father comes home, and creates an uneasy environment, and the psychology of the child who will be affected by this event. In such situations, the child either thinks that he is doing something very shameful by closing himself in, he can continue this behavior when he is alone, or he can manipulate them with this situation because he understands how it shakes the family. However, what needs to be done in such cases is that the family member who witnessed the event first understands the logic of the event, ‘What does it mean to masturbate for a child? ‘ – is to find an answer to the question. Most likely, he learned masturbation when he was bored with loneliness, by picking his nose as well as by mixing his genitals or by being stimulated during the game, and he continues to do it because of his game chest when he is bored. It would be the best option to switch this situation from one game to another and take care of the child, without making this situation an event for him or adding a special meaning to his brain. After a certain time, the child will forget that behavior. Or, you can change behavior by talking to a child who is beating his friend. You should instill a sense of empathy in the child in this situation and explain that the child’s ‘behavior’ is wrong. The child should never think that his parents do not love him because he has done wrong.

  6. Principle of making uncertainties specific Children’s thinking capacity is very different from ours. And sometimes we forget the age of the child in front of us and the limit of his perceptual capacity. If we understand something, we can expect them to understand. When we examine the bottom of many negative behaviors, we understand that children can do these behaviors out of uncertainty. For example, a child who wants to sleep with his parents at night may do so as a result of uncertainty: ‘I’m afraid of not seeing my father when I wake up in the morning’, ‘I’m afraid there will be an earthquake when I sleep at night’, ‘my father loves my mother more than me if I don’t sleep with them’. Or suppose there is an incident where the father leaves the house in anger as a result of an argument at home, and imagine that day coincides with an incident where your child did a little mischief in the morning. The child blames himself in this situation and may think that he caused the fight. In such cases, it is necessary to clarify the uncertainty for the child, that the events are not related to him, that he will not be left without a father or mother as a result of the discussion, that if there is an earthquake at night, they will not leave the house without him, that the father’s going to work early in the morning does not mean that he has left them, with simple sentences that the child can understand. It is extremely important to tell. Therefore, we do not expect children to react positively to uncertainty.

Behavior Disorder and Nutrition in Children

Today, we witness many children being diagnosed with ADHD (attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder), ADD (attention deficit disorder), mood disorders. Because children exhibit angry and uncontrolled behaviors, they have to take drugs with behavioral disorders or different psychiatric and neurological diagnoses. However, before starting these drugs for children, families should know that some foods cause behavioral and psychological changes in children and they should go for certain nutritional changes.

  1. Dairy products – families can almost force their children to use dairy products to eat healthy and get protein without knowing that they are lactose intolerant or allergic. If your child does not have lactose intolerance, you should use dairy products, otherwise you may experience negative behavior disorders as your children will feel nervous and restless.

  2. Foods containing coloring agents – Although many countries prohibit the use of these substances, they are widely used in the world. Yellow No. 5 (tartrazine), red No. It is extremely important that you keep your children away from foods containing substances named 40, and blue No 1. These substances cause ADHD, anxiety, hyperactivity, headaches, behavioral disorders and many mental disorders. (For detailed information, you can read my related article by clicking on the link,

  3. Candy – Unfortunately, everything that children can reach on the market shelves contains sugar. Long-term use of sugar has been proven to cause long-term health problems, including depression, cognitive decline, and sleep problems are very common.

  4. Protectors – As far as I have witnessed, the thing that families buy for their children the most, considering that they are healthy on the market shelves, is fruit juices. However, many foods, including the most innocent-looking fruit juices, contain preservatives (nitrates, nitrites, sodium benzoate, monosodium glutamate-MSG, ). Studies show that protective agents cause behavioral changes, mental problems, and hyperactivity.

food allergy – the most common food allergies are dairy, peanut, soy, corn allergies. Most misdiagnoses of ADHD in the world are made because food allergy testing is not done. If your child has behavioral disorders that you cannot understand, it is useful to have a food allergy and intolerance test before ADHD is diagnosed.

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