PSYCHOLOGICAL SUPPORT IS THE BEST GIFT YOU CAN GIVE YOURSELF

1. How would you describe yourself?

Humanist, idealistic, ambitious, forward-thinking

2- Today, psychology is a profession that is gaining value rapidly. Therefore, the number of psychology graduates is also increasing. What qualities should psychologist candidates have?

One does not become a psychologist, one is born a psychologist. Emotional intelligence, which is a measure that determines self-recognition, control and motivation, empathy ability that enables to put oneself in other people’s shoes, and provides goal-oriented socialization, is important for those who serve in the field of mental health.

It is important to have versatile scientific knowledge from the fields of biology, sociology and psychology that enable to understand personality development.

Finally, patience, creativity, and most importantly, a sense of curiosity. You are not traveling, but worlds are coming to you, you must be an explorer.

4-How do our subconscious, past, childhood and family experiences affect our lives?

It is an unconscious source of energy. A much more powerful source of energy than we can imagine is a living storage center. It is a region where our emotions and thoughts are manufactured, stored and suppressed. The thoughts and desires that culture and society have taught us to suppress; Our past traumas, our painful feelings are stored in our unconscious.

Everything we suppress in our active thought is in our unconscious. Our prejudices arise from our unconscious. Many behaviors that we do not want today but continue to exhibit originate from our unconscious. Many roles that we do not want today, but that we continue as a habit from the past, originate from our subconscious.

What happens to the client in the therapy process is that the emotions that want to go out are released from the pressure. Once a command is given to the client’s past subconscious, i.e. the old generation blind, myopic brain, in therapy, other unremembered experiences emerge.

3- You are often faced with questions such as ‘What exactly does therapy do, is it possible to get definitive results’. Do therapies really work?

Each client comes to therapy with their own ‘swamp’. Above this swamp, there are the ‘flies’ on their own swamp, that is, the symptoms, problems and troubles that they want to be eliminated during the therapy process, which also form their expectations from the therapy process.

The goal in the therapy process; It is not to repel flies, but to dry the swamp. Because in a dry swamp, flies cannot reproduce again. That is, the goal is to capture the deep cause that creates that apparent cause, rather than the apparent cause that the client brings to therapy. Most of the time, the problems that our clients bring to the interviews and which they think are the cause of many negativities, are actually the result of a deeper reason.

This is why we wake up our clients. When you wake up to that cause, therapies become functional. Because “A person’s body must be put to sleep to operate, and his soul must be awakened to operate.”

5-How much can you apply the suggestions you make to your clients in your own life?

We do not make suggestions to our clients, we bring them to the point where they can make suggestions to themselves. In fact, it is like this: the therapy process opens the door, our clients walk their own path. We don’t hug them and leave them where they’re going.

6-You are doing marriage and family counseling. Has interest in marriage diminished today? There has been an explosion in divorces in recent years. What do you think are the reasons?

The research should start by examining the reasons for divorce statistically. Depending on these studies, we see that both the marriage rate and the divorce rate have decreased.

According to the data announced by the Turkish Statistical Institute (TUIK), 594 thousand 493 marriages and 126 thousand 164 divorces took place last year. Compared to the previous year, the number of marriages decreased by 1.41 percent and the number of divorces decreased by 4.30 percent. Last year, we see that about 97 percent of divorces were recorded as “discord”. This is followed by abandonment, cheating, mental illness, abuse, dishonor and other causes.

8- Have we become afraid of marriage, or is living alone a conscious choice?

In fact, we are not afraid of marriage; we carry our unconscious fears and anxieties arising from our past lives to that deep and real bond we have established/will establish with our partner. Of course, these negative feelings either damage that deep bond or prevent us from forming it. The relationship model of our parents, the way we are affected by their attitudes towards relationships, our philosophy of life, social myths about sexual and marriage / that is, the wrongs about relationships. Each affects our feelings and thoughts about marriage. Those who are aware of all these things we have mentioned make conscious choices about living alone or being in the marriage system.

9- How important is it to go to a therapist before getting married? Do men and women behave differently when it comes to getting therapy?

There is no genetic code that governs marriage. Marriage is a cultural formation imposed on biology. Before entering into this cultural formation, we recommend our clients to get pre-marital counseling in order to get to know ourselves on the above-mentioned issues. What I often say to my clients in interviews: “First of all, you need to be the right person for yourself, not finding the right person.” In other words, before stepping into marriage, we enable the person to know himself/herself on the meaning of marriage, the ideal future, the ideal relationship, how to love and be loved, etc.

Contrary to what is known in the society, I did not observe different behaviors between men and women in receiving therapy.

10- Can the secret of happy togetherness really be formulated? What can you say about this as a marriage therapist?

Couples in a relationship need to let go of the fact that they both see themselves as the center of the universe. Instead of trying to repair themselves in the relationship, they should embrace each other as equals and heal each other’s wounds. When couples sacrifice their individual egocentrism, the relationship itself becomes central. And the relationship you repair together is healing you too. In other words, the love that couples give to each other reaches their own wounds and heals them as well.

11-Has the perspective of psychologists and therapists changed in Turkey?

With recent awareness and the increasing number of psychology departments every year, the belief that it is necessary to be ‘crazy’ to go to a psychologist is slowly decreasing. ‘Why go to a psychologist?’, ‘How do I know when to go to a psychologist?’, ‘What does a psychologist do?’ question marks such as psychiatrists and psychologists sometimes affect the participation process in therapy. However, psychological support is the best gift you can give yourself. The wise come to therapy, the mad roam the streets.

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