Premarital Syndrome

The moment that includes the dreams of fairy girl beauty that has been established since childhood has finally arrived… what are these stress and question marks that come at the end of dreams that always contain joy and beauty? Does the answer that has been yes for years turns into ‘no’?

It starts with domesticity in childhood, the meaning that society attaches to the institution that makes togetherness meaningful. This game played among girls includes excitement with the start of school and is carried to the brain with the interest in the opposite sex, this interest is even more internal and platonic. With adolescence, concrete flowers bloom and sometimes secret meetings are held , takes its name from going to the movies and organized excursions: ‘going out’…

Going to a different dimension with the concept of profession that develops in high school and university, turns into a partnership, the word ‘wife’ becomes special and future plans are started to be discussed with their best sides. Marriage is approached within their own conditions, families sometimes oppose and insist. I will be’…

After a while, everything becomes clear and sweet. Families meet; at that moment: the behavior that develops right after asking for a girl begins to be criticized. Because there is nothing to deal with anymore. The eager excitement of the day before is slowly getting ready to give its place to ‘I wonder’s…

Clarity replaces excitement with question marks and suppressing logic.
The couple, who had fought together in the preparation processes, now start to fight each other.
Here premarital syndrome begins…

I wonder if there’s anything better now that I’ll wake up with him every morning but am I ready for it? His constant asking where I am.. I guess he’ll always follow me (he was doing the same thing before but he was caring about it then). Will I always give an account? (It was also reported when we were in love).. Besides, I can’t do without my mother, I wonder if she will get her thoughts, we should look for a house close to her… My wedding will be wherever I want, I will definitely get married once, I don’t even think about it…

In this process, the stress that tires you out and causes you to burn in your stomach and sleep is not the work done, but the question marks above. It is the feeling of being unsure and whether the desired things are suitable for marriage. All the concrete preparations you are making now are the moments that you are eagerly waiting for the product of your dreams. begins to get in the way… How can you deal with all this and always remember the special day with a smile…

First of all, it is very normal and necessary to experience these moments of indecision. ….You are making a change in your life and you should be affected. You change shouldn’t be that easy. But you must complete the process in the healthiest way by finding healthy answers…

The decision to marry should be made in the maturity period when the first adulthood is completed, and it should be known that there are two different cultures, family life, education, social life and interests. individualIf your aim is to try to make your future spouse like you or to give up on yourself so that she will be happy, this is the first point you are wrong. This marriage may not last as long as you think. Your different aspects were attractive to you until you took this decision and you always talked about them. may lead you to look for a new different character, attention!

Imagine two sets that have their own characteristics merged. There is a common intersection set, it should be just like this in marriage, to reinforce the common areas and not criticize whatever the other party’s decision, tell your own truth but still supportbe.
Support is the biggest building block of marriage and maintains its dynamics. Togetherness should be protected from the moment the decision is taken, and these are the moments when Respect is embodied. The hairdresser you go to is not remembered; however, your lack of support when you go to the hairdresser is in front of you like a salad at every meal.

As it can be seen concretely, you are building a house separate from everyone else, and the material and moral key of this place should only be with the spouses, you will see the color of the wall every day, and it should not be your mother who determines this color. Being dependent on parents is still an indication that you have not reached the maturity of marriage; This is one of the most important things to consider: your bordersdetermination.

As long as your husband-wife boundary is not certain, the dynamic in marriage constantly flows out and problems begin.

As your marital status has changed; There will be changes in your life and behavior, albeit partially. You are no longer alone and there will be points that you cannot agree on since you are not the same. The problem is not reconciliation, but resolving this conflict; I think this is the point that gives meaning to marriage and allows it to continue. Are you ready for the changes and responsibilities that will come with marriage?

If you think that you are not ready before marriage and you have concerns, do not hesitate to seek professional support. It will be even more effective than the support you will receive during the marriage process. It will be even more effective than the support you will receive in the marriage process. If your decision is yes despite these, if there are problems only in preparation for marriage; you will not use the wedding table as a dinner table. Your image in the photo frames will show that you are there, not the magnificence of the place.

Dialogues encountered with this process in marriage;
10 years after the wedding, there was a disagreement between the spouses at the picnic in the friend environment and the argument started.
A: I don’t have anything I want anyway, you’re always like this.
B: What am I always like, am I selfish?
A: Yes, you know everything, you know, it has been like this for years… You couldn’t make me happy even at my wedding, I got married in a place I didn’t want.
B: Huh, we came back and came again. We talked 10000 times for 10 years, can we go back, did we have these conditions back then, did I do it but I didn’t.
A: I was married once, ah ahhh…
B: Okay, shut up, let’s not talk or I’ll break your heart..
CONCLUSION: Cooling down between spouses, not speaking..
Emotions: Tension, anger…
Fact: The absence of a magic wand. Continuing expectation to cause disappointment.
QUESTION: The important thing is that you marry your spouse? Or How did you get married?

As this dialogue continues, the spouses will emotionally distance themselves and assume the role they call “friends”. If it is thought that there is no emotion and that there is a need for attention, this attention will be sought in a third person. Regardless of your role, no one wants to be constantly criticized and found inadequate. At the same time, defense mechanisms emerge. If there are feelings, it turns into anger, there is an argument, if it still continues, this situation starts to avoid and does not talk, if it still continues, the common sharing decreases with distance from home and situations that are considered important and valuable are sought…

Marriage will survive as long as you can see your spouse as a REWARD, not what your spouse did as a reward.

If the important thing is for you to wake up together from the morning of the wedding;
Don’t worry, no one will remember your wedding as much as you do.

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