Pre-marital counseling – how do I choose my partner?

Your relationship has been going on for maybe 3 months, maybe 10 years. Marriage dreams that have started to take shape in your mind or have been planned for years. So are you really ready for marriage? Do you have similar thoughts about marriage with the person who will be your spouse? Do you think that the person you are with will change when you get married, that marriage will be a balm for wounds, that marriage is a miracle?

Marriage; a state of coexistence whose history dates back to prehistoric times and whose meaning varies according to cultures, time and people. With statistics showing that 50% of marriages end in divorce, what precautions should we take at the beginning of the road so that we have a chance to build a happy and healthy marriage?

This is where premarital counseling comes into play. Pre-marital counseling includes facilitating the transition of couples who decide to marry to marriage, investigating their expectations for each other during marriage, creating a common goal for marriage, discussing ideas and expectations about children, discussing expectations and potential problems in sexual life, positive and negative conditions of common life. It includes financial opportunities, communication process with families and solving problems experienced. It is known that couples who receive premarital counseling especially during the dating and engagement periods experience more harmonious and healthy relationships during the marriage, are knowledgeable about each other’s expectations, and are more likely to solve the problems that arise afterwards.


Yunus Emre; ‘ Knowledge is knowledge, knowledge is self-knowledge. He also gave us the secret of being successful in many different fields. In the stage of choosing our life partner, knowing and getting to know oneself is the first step to be taken. Recognizing your red lines, boundaries, what you like and what bothers you, your family structure, personality traits, being able to self-criticize and being aware of your expectations are a step in getting to know and understand the person in front of you during the marriage process. It will be easier for the person who takes a step to know himself, to know and understand his life partner.

At the stage of choosing your life partner, it is important to talk with your partner about what your expectations are in marriage, which house you will live in after marriage, how you will adjust your financial expectations, your plans to have a child, the issues you want to pay attention to when raising a child, and where you will live. At this stage, if you have problems with your partner, it will be useful to get support from couple and family therapy.

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