Parental Support in Adolescence

During adolescence, the relationship between parents and their adolescent children changes. When we look at the dimensions of this relationship, some important issues emerge.
parental control, Monitoring of adolescent development in adolescent parenting has an important aspect of parental control. Monitoring consists of supervision of the adolescent’s social environments, activities and friend choices.
Autonomy and Attachment Adolescents’ efforts to take autonomy and responsibility may confuse and sometimes anger parents. However, adolescents acquire the ability to gain autonomy and control over their own behavior through appropriate adult responses. An individual in early adolescence is not knowledgeable enough to make appropriate and mature decisions in all areas of life. While the adolescent’s effort for autonomy can leave the control in the areas where he/she can make appropriate decisions; should guide the adolescent to make appropriate decisions in areas where his/her knowledge is limited. Because adolescents gradually acquire the ability to make mature decisions.
Connecting We know how important the secure attachment relationship that a baby establishes with its caregiver in childhood. Attachment factor is also seen as important in the relationship with their parents in adolescence. Research supports this. Research results reveal that adolescents who develop secure attachment have a better relationship with their parents, are better at intimacy and self-expression in their relationships, and gain independence at the end of adolescence.
Balance of Freedom and Check Adolescents feel the need to stay connected with their families, even though they are moving towards independence. In a study, it was found that adolescents who spend time with their families and eat dinner together have low behaviors such as smoking, drinking alcohol, and getting involved in fights.
Parent Adolescent Conflicts Often, conflicts are focused on keeping the room clean, dressing properly, coming home at a fixed time, and not talking on the phone for too long. In other words, it is more related to the daily life of the family. These conflicts can actually serve positive development. These minor disagreements provide a transition from being dependent on the family to being an autonomous individual. It should not be forgotten that as adolescents mature, they separate themselves from their parents and move towards an autonomous world separate from their families. As adolescents share more personal secrets with their friends, such conversations with their parents decrease. Their peers and social environments are more important to them. In this process, the adolescent perceives every request of his family as if he is under pressure, while the parents perceive everything that the adolescent wants as a rebellion. This is where the conflicts begin.
Parents have a great influence on adolescents’ thoughts about themselves and others, and their perception of their abilities to think, make decisions, take responsibility and control their lives. It is easier for adolescents to adapt to rapid changes and developments, to accept themselves and gain an identity in healthy family environments consisting of individuals who feel happy and valuable, know their responsibilities and trust each other. In order for parents to establish good communication with their adolescent children, first of all, communication within their own relationships should be healthy. Afterwards, it would be beneficial for them to know the characteristics of adolescence, to read about it, and to accept that some changes in their children are normal.
 Consistency in the decisions of the parents in their approach to the adolescent individual is important.
 Sometimes contradictory approaches such as “you are a child, we did not ask your opinion”, and sometimes “you are a big person, fulfill your responsibilities” should be avoided.
 They need to be patient and treat their children as individuals.
 Orientation towards peer groups will increase. If the parent acts excessively oppressive and inconsistent in this regard, this orientation will increase even more. Controlled freedom is important.
 It is necessary to accept that there may be outbursts of anger, and in such cases, it is necessary to listen carefully without panicking and responding to anger with anger.
 Trying to discover the meaning of their complaints and wishes, the adolescent should try to understand in which subjects they are right and in which subjects they are irrational, and then it is important that parents can express their own feelings and review the rules at home together.
 Instead of talking about the behavior of the adolescent, labeling his personality, rejection, comparing with his peers, comparing the parents’ own youth period are the attitudes that prevent communication and negatively affect the personality of the adolescent.
 In communication with adolescents, it is necessary to listen and try to understand what they are feeling, instead of mini-conferences, giving moral lessons, giving advice, labeling, trying to find a solution by interrupting or exaggerating emotional displays.
 During adolescence, you must accept that your child is different from before. As a parent, you must make changes in the way you communicate with him and in your attitudes.
 If you want him to listen to you, you should finally share your own feelings and thoughts after you express that you understand him.
 How you express yourself is important. If we start the conversation by blaming the adolescent’s ideas on the subject, communication will be cut off from the beginning.
 In the communication you establish without using the I language, the other party goes directly to the defense and gets angry. Because he sees it as an attack on himself.
➢ As a parent, you should spend at least twice the time you spend talking to the teenager listening to him/her. It encourages him to talk by making eye contact by paying attention to him while speaking.
 Let the question you try to answer while listening be: “What does he feel?, what does he think?, what is his expectation from me?”.
 Feeling that his emotions are understood and empathizing with him will contribute to the adolescent’s understanding of his own feelings, relaxation and calming down.
 The way for adolescents to become individuals who know their responsibilities is to give them responsibilities and to trust them.
 First of all, parents need to be honest in order to be honest individuals.
 You need to focus especially on the strengths and positive characteristics of adolescents.
 Disorganization, irresponsibility, etc. Constantly reminding of negative attitudes such as, causes that behavior to become more settled rather than eliminating it.
 It should not be forgotten that adolescents have a say in the decisions at home and may carry some responsibilities. Opportunities should be given to them to prove their identity and try their autonomy.
 Parents should not take the responsibilities of adolescents on their own, they should help them to take their own responsibilities in order to raise responsible individuals.
 Avoid overprotective and intrusive approaches. This negatively affects the self-confidence of the individual.
 While making a decision about the adolescent, first of all, the parents should come to an agreement among themselves and show consistency in their decisions.
 Parents looking for ways to spend time with their adolescent children, having fun and laughing together will contribute positively to their relationships.
➢ Do not get into an argument, especially when your teenager is angry. Let him calm down and then talk about his behavior.
 Being understood and cared for is very important for a teenager. When he cannot find these, he thinks that there is no point in continuing the communication and relationship any longer, and he withdraws. If you find your relationship and communication insufficient, review and change the way you have maintained so far.
➢ Do not warn or counsel in the presence of others. Try talking about situations you don’t like when you’re alone and in trouble-free times.
 Remember that! If the communication between the adolescent and the parent is unilateral, that is, only from adult to adolescent, the only way for the adolescent to reveal their personality will be to rebel against the authority.

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