Let’s review our priorities in life. In what rank would we count ourselves?
Not being able to say no to people, running around to help others even if it will put ourselves in trouble, and thinking that if we don’t give enough to others, they won’t love us the way they used to… All of this comes across as a reflection of self-sacrifice. It usually settles in our lives with the example of a person who sacrificed himself in childhood or the more approval and love we sacrifice. However, when we do something other than what we can never get approval or what caregivers say, we learn that we have to be compatible in relationships where they are angry with us and therefore we have to sacrifice ourselves in order to adapt to everyone.
In our adult life, the feelings gained in that childhood continue. For example, if a job is to be done, that person will be the first to volunteer to do the job. it continues to shape itself according to the wishes of others by putting its own wishes at the bottom. The person thus feels that he shows others that he loves them and that he deserves the love of others. The thought of having to make sacrifices in order to deserve love is actually an indicator of low self-love and compassion. Just like in his childhood, he loves himself only when he fulfills the necessary conditions. Waiting for the approval and love of others in order to not love and love himself as he is; fulfilling all the conditions for this cause… This may cause significant problems in family life and business life. These people see caring and thinking about themselves as selfish. However, trying to please everyone and doing everything for them, throwing oneself into the background will make the person feel tired. The person who gets tired over time tries to relax by isolating himself completely from some relationships or gets lost in this tiring relationship traffic. However, both are unhealthy coping methods. This time, the perception of his own worthlessness in his relationships turns him into a person who lives out of relationships or completely focused on others.
In healthy relationships, one does not exalt or belittle one’s own worth. On the contrary, it has an objective evaluation system for itself. Thus, while revealing his own value when appropriate, he calmly accepts his mistake and tries to make up for it. So how does it do that? First of all, he notices the attitudes that love him conditionally or reject him completely, questions the reality of these attitudes and realizes the requirements of unconditional love that he really needs. Thus, he reaches the awareness that he can give good parenting and care to the child who is broken and left alone in his own time. As the adult today is good to that child, he will be good to himself and he will feel his own worth, the feeling of being accepted and accepted as he is.