Let’s think about the friends we are extremely close to but haven’t seen at the moment, our flirtations where we are like two halves of an apple and live without needing anyone else, the relationships we have established with our parents and feel as if we are betraying them if we do something without them…
The common feature of all these relationships is that there are no boundaries in the relationship; Relationships that are constantly interviewed, where a third party cannot exist, that do not allow to establish relationships with anyone else, and that constantly interfere with each other’s lives… In these relationships, personal space; our own preferences and choices, our own tastes and habits of life, and even our own existence disappear. It takes the place of sentences with “we”, actions that you can’t even imagine doing alone, and a two-person life order where you sometimes feel so suffocated that you can’t breathe. Although this order makes you feel that there is someone who always accompanies you and you always share with, in the beginning, it will make the relationship suffocating to see that your personal space begins to disappear and that a third person will not exist in your individual life. In this relationship, you will realize that your own pleasures, your need to be alone, your need to spend your time with others, and your choices disappear and are constantly replaced by the decisions of your relationship, the truth of your relationship, the people you meet and the pleasures of your relationship.
This situation; It causes people to suppress and shadow their own identities in their relationships. In these relations, the concept of border has disappeared and the dependent life has taken its place.
Although the word border is perceived as formality and distance, life is important for human life. The existence of our personal spaces, our individual boundaries are those that separate us from others and provide us with privacy, personal pleasures, personal decisions. The disappearance of these areas means mixing with each other, and a kind of disappearance.
However, since health relationships are relationships that value you, they do not expect an absolute change from you, they are relationships that can keep you alive in the relationship as they are, they are permissive and flexible. Respects the features that make you who you are. He has a solid foundation to know that the moments when you want to be alone are not a break from the relationship, and he does not immediately panic about whether you come back. Now let’s briefly evaluate our own relations; Do we have dependent relationships or can we protect our boundaries in the relationship?