Our Automatic Thoughts and the Feeling of Loneliness

The feeling of loneliness is one of the basic materials we work with in existence therapy. While loneliness can be a choice (it is not just a choice), it starts to affect the individual negatively when he/she feels isolated from social environments and thoughts.

Loneliness can be physical as well as interpersonal, psychological and intellectual. Sometimes we feel the greatest loneliness when we don’t see empathy from the other person and feel that we are not really being listened to.

Loneliness has been one of the necessities of being human since the beginning of the universe. We are born alone and leave life alone when the time comes, so feeling this feeling with a sense of being stuck only if we accept it and if we think that its existence gives us ‘me and us’ distinctions and motivates us to find meaning in life, we will no longer be our closed-closet ghost, to feel understood, to see value as an individual. No matter what we experience, even if we deserve it, we should not forget that every emotion is actually hidden in our thoughts and our own selves.

Our automatic thoughts are activated when the emotions we feel in the face of an event affect the way we interpret the event and affect our thoughts in their own way. They come to our minds unthinkingly and involuntarily, so I would like to embody the thoughts that come to our minds for a moment in our daily life and upset us:

For example; You had an argument with a friend and you think that he does not understand you at all and you feel that this situation is not going to be resolved. What would your feeling be? (I think I would be upset) What would be your opinion? and ultimately your comment would suggest a predicate. (I am worthless, unloved, unsuccessful) are our predicates that make us think when our automatic thoughts come to our minds.

When we apply this example to the feeling of loneliness, it may mean narrowing our perspectives to think that the only solution, no matter how deep our feelings are, is to be trapped in this feeling. Our thoughts and comments, along with our memories, are what make us who we are. Do not forget to write down your evidence to the contrary when you feel alone.

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