On the Edge of I’s…: “Love”

I wanted to write an article about today’s change in love, which has started days ago and is the scene of the effort to prove love in a hurry, leaving the romance of the eighteenth century and showing its face in virtual media. Do not ask if love has a virtual form, in fact, perhaps one of the most intense virtual experiences is love, due to the idealization in its content, that is, the act of glorifying the person in love. After all, we most idealize the person we have the least idea about.

In the movie, Who You Think I Am, starring Juliette Binoche, which I had the opportunity to watch towards the end of 2019, a striking look at the events of the Claire character, played by the artist, and twenty-first century romance and love is displayed. In her early fifties, Claire, divorced from her husband, falls in love with a man she met on social media, hides her true identity, and the direction of her problems ‘supposedly’ changes, she obsessively tries to maintain her relationship on social media. I think that one of the things that virtual environments have changed for us is love. There is a line in the movie that Claire uses during a session with her psychiatrist. When describing love, he says: “I want my inner child to love and calm down”. However, wasn’t love an effort to hold on to what we needed?

Love is in the person to whom we make our own deficiencies and some unmet needs live. It is the person who will be our soul mate, complete us, and find solutions to the helplessness of life together. We ignore death with love for a bit. It is a state of war where reality is lost. No matter what people say, our eyes do not see and our ears do not hear. Of course, every behavior of a person gets its share from this, the world looks different to the eye. Your self may be temporarily unreachable because instead of being ‘me’, you start to act by thinking that the person you fall in love with loves you who you are. How can one become selfish when giving up on ‘I’? Even if he gives up, he cannot think of ‘you’ from being ‘me’ in love. He wants to be loved, to be possessed, to be special and unique. So I want you, but I want you to want me. Therefore, selfishness dominates every stage of love. Idealization is an essential component of the state of love, indispensable. It makes us forget that the person in front of us can have flaws, just like every other person. As this exaltation increases, love is experienced as a kind of fanaticism. Intense emotions, palpitations awakening in the middle of the night, dreams… There is so much about love. Words, poems, songs, pictures, movies, places, special days…

Friedrich Nietzsche said, “We are not in love with what is desired, but with desiring itself”. We want to be in love. We wonder how it feels. We ask each other if we’ve ever been in love, we try to understand how we feel. The question of who we fall in love with comes later. The important thing is love, the idea of ​​the loved one serves love. In recent years, we see that social media and virtual environments have intense effects on relationships and love. Now even the lover’s concept of ‘me’ is not just one, who knows how many ‘I’s there are in digital. Have we ever seen times when people were so close to each other and yet so far apart? Impatient loves, passionless correspondence, immediately falling in love and immediately giving up, that is, not giving a chance, wondering if this station should be stopped or if there will be a more right one for me (where my soul mate can be) in the future… It is not easy for a person to touch another person. as if love remained in times. Even the pain was beautiful.

However, when you reach mature love, you get the taste of trust, love and being loved. You know that every person has flaws, you give up on perfection, and you attain serenity. How will you know what you need without knowing yourself first, without eye to eye, word for word, without waiting patiently and learning to forgive mistakes? Stay in love, loves…

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