Saying ‘NO’ is easy for some, challenging for some and impossible for others. So, what are your ‘no’s? How do you feel when you encounter a situation that you do not want, do not like or do not like? Would you say yes to reluctantly? Do you always distance yourself from such matters? Or would you say no without thinking? This article is for you if your body is tense when you need to say no, if you are experiencing anxiety and distress, or if you say yes to everything to avoid these bodily sensations. Now I want to ask you. “Why is it so hard for you to say no?” Well, let me ask another question. “What will change in your life if you say no to the things you don’t want?” Think about the answers to both questions. Here is an opportunity for you to break out of the behavior pattern you are used to. Maybe it wasn’t a problem for you not being able to say “no” until now. Or you were putting this word in your forbidden words because you believed it was your nature (temperament). Since it is a shameful situation to use the word “no” in our society, you may have closed yourself to this word. Now let’s think together, why does a person feel obliged to do things he does not want? Or why does he reluctantly say “yes” to all this? This journey of being unable to say no is not something that came out of nowhere in our lives. Its origins go back to our childhood. In order to meet our unmet emotional needs during childhood, we seek a remedy during this period. And this situation causes the formation of stereotypes and behaviors in the later stages of our lives. (origins of formation of schemas)
When we examine the reasons for not saying no one by one;
– “What if I refuse to comply with the other person’s wishes and walk away from me? Let there be no resentment or resentment, let everything be as he wishes for the best.”possible schema origin if there is fear; is the abandonment scheme . The person believed that if he said his wishes and desires, he would be abandoned by the other person. For this, he suppresses his own feelings and says “yes” even though he doesn’t want to. (Suppression scheme + abandonment scheme)
– “ K when I say no to the person behind me, so as not to fulfill his wishes; I can’t handle it if he frowns at me or speaks words to me.”If your anxiety is due to the reactions of the people in front of you (sulking, speaking a word, humiliating, insulting…) here is the effective scheme. It is a scheme of submission and suppression of emotions. If you have a scheming of submissiveness and cannot say no in such situations. You’re probably also experiencing intense anger because you’re being made to feel compelled. This feeling can be directed towards both the other person and yourself. In submissiveness, you feel as if you would be left behind if you said your wishes, and you can use the ‘yes to everything’ you learned in childhood to combat this feeling.
-“Even though I express my own wishes, the person in front of me does not care about me. There is no one in my life who will accept my wishes with understanding. Yes to everything you say about him.”If you suppress your emotional needs and desires because you think there are no people who will understand and care about you. your emotional deprivation schema and your suppression schemaIt gives direction to your life.
– “I can’t be like others. While others can say whatever they want, how nice it is, I can’t say it, I feel inadequate in this regard.”If you feel inadequate and unsuccessful because you can’t say no your failure schememay have been active.
“When someone asks me for something, I must do it immediately. If I cannot fulfill the request of the other person, I will be very upset.”When someone asks you for something, you want to do it right away, and if you don’t do it, you feel guilty and selfish. your sacrifice schemeIt gives direction to your life.
-“I wish I hadn’t said yes, I always do the same thing like an idiot! I always accept what I don’t want”If you say and get angry with yourself and get angry your punishment schemeis active.
– “If I say no when everyone says yes, I will be ostracized by my social circle. For that, I have to keep up with everyone.”If you limit yourself to things that your social circle will not approve due to your own thoughts and cannot express your wishes your status seeking schememay be active.
– If you are ashamed of your own thoughts and wishes and find them disgusting, this may cause you to find your thoughts flawed and hide them. As a result, you may still be giving yes answers even though you don’t want to.( imperfection, emotion suppression scheme.)
– If you prefer to leave decisions to someone else because you are afraid of responsibility for your own thoughts You may be under the influence of the addiction scheme.
– If you are inclined to not stand behind your own thoughts and accept someone else’s opinion, that is, if you unwittingly choose a satellite for yourself: içelik şYou may be giving up on your own decisions and wishes under the influence of its influence.
In short, there may be schema combinations that deeply affect your life in the problem of not being able to say no. If you have such problems and the substances suit you, you can benefit from therapy for your personal development.