Stepmother:Ali, please hang your wet towel on the hanger.
Ali:We leave the towel wherever we want in my mother’s house, my mother hangs it. Stepmother (angrily):Looks like your mom got you used to laziness. Wouldn’t it be better for this mother to respond like this?
Stepmother (calmly):I understand, Ali, but everyone hangs their own towel in this house.
Two people who love each other in good times in bad times; He marries, wishing for a lifetime in sickness and in health. However, many people experience the marriage union, which is one of the most important turning points in human life, for a lifetime.
cannot continue. In addition to divorce, loss of spouse also causes the end of the marriage process. In marriages ending with divorce or the death of the spouse, people may consider remarrying.
When a new family order is passed; especially in families with children step situation arises. From the point of view of children, the new member of the family is either in the position of “stepmother” or “stepfather”.
The remarriage of the parents marks the beginning of a new period in the life of the children. Moving to a new house after marriage, changing environment and school; meeting and adjusting to new friends and relatives; Getting used to and adapting to the rules and order of the newly established family is a difficult period for many children. The disorganized child experiences intense stress and shows angry behaviors; Objecting to everything, having problems in harmony with one’s environment, falling in success in their classes and indifference, isolating oneself by closing in on depression can be seen.
The newly established family environment is completely different from the previous family environment. Researcher author Fitzburgh Dodsonw states that the success of new marriages often depends on the success of the stepparent-child relationship. He likens this to learning to swim in deep water instead of learning to swim in shallow water. While the place and role of parents in the family is clear, the role of step-parent is shaped in the process.
My Advice to Stepmothers and Fathers:
First of all, it is important that the person who is a stepmother or father to his wife’s child has realistic expectations. Everything will go smoothly and flawlessly
should not fall into utopia. It should not be overlooked that all this will take time and effort.
If you manage the process correctly as a step-parent, you can come to an advantageous position even from the real parents of the children. Because children share their problems more easily with individuals other than their parents.
Establishing a healthy and close relationship between a stepparent and their child can be a long process, sometimes taking years. Parents need to be patient and make positive investments in the relationship with their stepchildren. It will definitely take time for both families to adapt to each other’s habits, backgrounds, rules, expectations, individual wishes and needs. Both families need to be determined to act with patience and understanding so that they can mutually accept each other.
It would be more appropriate for the parent, who assumed the role of stepfather or stepmother in the first years, not to act hastily to discipline the children and to leave this role to the natural parent first. Children need to establish trust with their step-parents first.
The fact that the child does not meet with the mother or father with whom he is separated does not make it easier for him to adapt to his step-parent, on the contrary, it makes it difficult. Although his mother and father have established a new life, the child’s not losing connection with his biological parent increases his self-confidence and makes it easier to adapt to his new family.
While trying to adapt to stepchildren, it is important to spend a lot of time together and make the necessary arrangements. However, it is just as important for the stepmother or father to spend time alone with their new stepchild as it is to spend time together. The time spent alone makes it easier for the parent and child to get used to each other and develop a close relationship.
Show that you have no intention of ever replacing a natural parent.
Do not pressure children to address you, leave the form of address to the child’s decision.
Know that it takes time to get to know you, and respect the child’s need to love their natural parent. Don’t talk bad about your own parent.