Ali was 6 years old. He loved his toys very much and did not want to share them with anyone. His family was quite complaining about this situation of their son. They thought that Ali’s not sharing his toys with anyone would turn him into a very selfish adult who does not know how to share.
One day, when the same situation happened with his brother, his mother could not stand it and punished Ali. Maybe he would understand the importance of sharing in this way and move away from this behavior. Having been punished once or twice, Ali learned that not sharing is a bad thing, and he shared his favorite toys even though he didn’t want to, even had to share them. Because the behavior that Ali was taught was that he had to share.
How does the child think?
Every child’s personality is different. Some people like to share because of their temperament, some don’t want to share no matter how much you tell them. In the story, Ali did not like to share his toys neither with his brother nor with anyone else. His mother eventually taught him, through punishment, that Ali should share his belongings.
Ali said, “I don’t want to share my belongings, but my family is very angry with me. So not sharing toys is a bad thing, and if someone else does not share their belongings like me, they should be punished too. This situation will cause Ali to say yes to many things in the future, and he will have difficulty saying no. However, if the child is given the right to choose and it is explained that he can share his belongings if he wants, that he does not have to give it in any way, but that it is good to share, the child’s behavior and thoughts will also change and even turn into a free individual. Every child who feels free admits his mistake. However, anxiety makes mistakes and mistakes are not accepted.
What can you do?
• For example, a friend of yours who came to your house liked your favorite item very much and asked for it from you. ‘What do you feel?’. You would probably give that item to your friend very reluctantly. If you don’t like being forced, it will be an important step for your child’s development not to let your child feel it.
• Children attach meaning to things. Their words and phrases are their toys. Respect if he says, ‘Mom, I don’t want to share this toy, but I can share it’, and don’t say – no, share it too, we’ll buy you a new one. You may not be there in the future. You may not even be able to afford a new one.
• Unless you’re a role model, don’t expect them to be sharing. Only you can change every negative behavior and thought that children acquire from the environment. Because they are a part of you and you are their role model. If you do not share, they do not want to share. However, if you force them, they will not trust you and you will cause them to experience personality conflict. Every behavior and emotion suppressed in the child returns to you with negative problems.
• You need to show the importance of sharing to the child with your behavior before the action, not when the child does not want to give away his toys during the game. There are times when our neighbors want something from us or we want something from them. Or moments when family members want something from each other. At this point, do not forget that you are an example to your child and that you are giving a message by including him in the process.